Let's Talk Douchelogic!

Tuesday, 17 November 2009

Let's Talk Douchelogic!
Today we will be focusing on the Douchelogic that is often employed by Crap Talkers. Just to be clear, when I say “Crap Talkers,” I am not referring to the entire human population. Even though we have all talked crap about others, and have had others talked crap about us in return, the Crap Talkers relevant to this discussion is a subspecies of human—i.e., humans who think Douchelogically.
The Crap Talker Douchelogic goes something like this:
I know people like this, and this is really how they think--and I don't get the logic at all! It just doesn't make sense to brag about how great you are at being someone's fake friend when you purposely hide your true feelings whenever that person is around. I mean, why are you hiding how you really feel? Because you don't want that person to find out how much you really hate his stank ass! There's nothing mysterious about it. And with a 5% failure rate (factoring in the people who can't keep anything to themselves...and big-mouthed children, like the little girl in the Swanson's chicken broth commercial. You know, the one where the little girl promises to keep the family's secret ingredient to herself, but then immediately turns around and asks a nearby kid, "wanna hear a secret?" Argh! She really pisses me off! So what if the secret ingredient is a can of chicken broth? Keep that sh*t to yourself! At least for grandma's sake!)--the only reason why anyone would feel compelled to gloat about being able to pull off a "talk about you behind your back" routine is because that guy's an asshat who thinks Douchelogically!

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my lips are sealed!
- 11/17/2009 5:40 PM
- cbr600 (message)
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haha he is that damn good...
- 11/17/2009 5:42 PM
- Saelee2009 (message)
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Arent you talking crap on CT right now by calling him a douche? Does he know how douche-tastic he is and how u feel about it? AHH THE CIRCLE IS COMPLETE
- 11/17/2009 5:42 PM
- deux02 (message)
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Schooling the douchelogical craptalker. Excellent work. I've known some of these as well.
- 11/17/2009 5:47 PM
- dirtbubble (message)
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yay!

Very funny and well written. It is good to hear from you again. I was getting worried about you, friend. When I heard that cat of yours hurt you, I thought I'd never hear from you again. But it is good that you are back and in good spirits. Keep on writing, and maybe you might be a Pulitzer-Prize winner.

You know, next to a few others here, you're about the one friend that really makes me laugh and feel good even when I have had a really bad day. I think you ought to look into becoming an actress, for you would make a good one. You're so light, bubbly, and spirited, I'm sure that half of Hollywood would think you're the next Penelope Cruz. LOL.

Well, hope to hear from you. Take care of yourself. peace

S.C.
- 11/17/2009 5:48 PM
- cllns_smm (message)
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Lol, unfortunately, I get the douchelogic. The douche's view on the truth and state of the world is that that person is a loser and that that should be overwhelmingly apparent. Given that, everything else makes sense. They get to feel clever and talk smack and the world keeps turning. Though, generally these people are truly far more loserific than those they speak ill of.
- 11/17/2009 5:55 PM
- striemmy (message)
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I love insane troll logic.
- 11/17/2009 5:59 PM
- another_rebel_without_a_cause (message)
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I've always had this vision where all the douchebags in the world are forced to interact with each other in a small locked windowless room.
- 11/17/2009 6:10 PM
- joooolie (message)
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I know people like that too. :( I try to distance myself as soon as I find out.
- 11/17/2009 6:19 PM
- JL789 (message)
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I've been ruminating on this for a while now, but the background of your website is definitely the microstructure of something, probably a metal. Why'd you pull that out of a Materials Science textbook?
- 11/17/2009 6:26 PM
- aimlessdrive440 (message)
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HAAHAHAAHAHA
- 11/17/2009 6:39 PM
- christin0 (message)
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fuck friends...
- 11/17/2009 7:11 PM
- YOUNGAZNTIGER (message)
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This isnt as funny as your previous cartoons.
- 11/17/2009 7:23 PM
- Uek (message)
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Now I feel like a douchebag, for all the talkign I did in the past.
- 11/17/2009 7:34 PM
- JMaWasHere (message)
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ugh. people like this... I like his shirt though! It's cute. :D
- 11/17/2009 7:51 PM
- fried_ryce (message)
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You should really stop drinking coffee and eating pastries with douches.
- 11/17/2009 8:02 PM
- wherethefishlives (message)
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Douchelogic does not compute...
- 11/17/2009 8:39 PM
- infinitiNY (message)
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So where can I buy that t-shirt that Mr. Douche is wearing? I'm looking to give some great Christmas gifts this year to couple people that deserve this shirt.
- 11/17/2009 8:51 PM
- ThePeterPanComplex (message)
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Well....I'm glad to see your face has healed from those scratches.
- 11/17/2009 9:48 PM
- CEC32 (message)
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i'm buying you a taser for those people
- 11/17/2009 10:12 PM
- npr32486 (message)
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yeahs i talk shiet to ppls face =P
- 11/17/2009 10:21 PM
- chinkdub (message)
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Yeah, People are really lame when they get in all that trouble just to lie to someone.
- 11/17/2009 10:21 PM
- birdielizzy (message)
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as usual, u bring the boys to the yard...
guess what?
- 11/17/2009 11:40 PM
- thesecretfee (message)
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lol. people are dumb. it's because they have to go through it to understand. i've only talked shit three times. honestly. three times. everything else were just kept as thoughts.
- 11/18/2009 1:13 AM
- lizettey (message)
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I hate that commercial too. Nice to hear from you.
- 11/18/2009 3:28 AM
- amygwen (message)
- reply