February 11, 2005
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An entry filled with Too Much Information…
WARNING: DISCUSSION ABOUT MY BOWEL MOVEMENTS FOLLOW!
My bowels and I have a love/hate relationship. One the one hand, Mr. Bowels removes waste products from my body and gives me that nice, empty feeling in my intestines. He also relieves my belly pressure by releasing the toxic gas that has built up from eating too much Mexican good.
One the other hand, Mr. Bowels does not always function the way he is supposed to. Sometimes, when I am feeling particularly ill, he will not allow me to properly utilize the toilet’s functions. I’ll just end up sitting there for long moments, trying to squeeze ANYTHING out of my body for some relief.
The most annoying habit of my bowels is the “I’m Finished—Just Kidding!” movement. It’s when I’ll sit on the toilet and do my smelly deeds, then afterwards when I’ve wiped clean I’ll suddenly have to drop more deeds. Then I’ll wipe again, only to realize that I have the urge to drop deeds again.
For those of you who don’t do it, wiping after the big DO-DO can be a pain depending on the texture and consistency of your–ahem–byproduct. If it’s just a shooter, then two wipes will do. But if it’s a creamed corn husk, then you might as well be armed with an extra roll of two-ply.
It’s when your poo is the latter (creamed corn husk) that makes the “I’m Finished—Just Kidding!” movement one of the most irritating and time consuming activities of the day. Not only do you have to wipe 20+ times to get the first run clean, but you’d have to wipe an extra 40+ times to clean up any other subsequent movements. That’s a lot of toilet paper, and a lot of patience. Plus if your bathroom stinks, it’s even more of a nightmare.
Now that I think about it, though, I don’t know how common this problem is. I’m starting to think I need to eat more fiber or something.
Comments (7)
eat your wheaties..gosh!…
Hi Sylvia!!!
Thought you would enjoy this, I know you mentioned it in a previous entry. =P
http://www.livejournal.com/users/immortalamigone/32562.html
Gina
Hey dude,, this is Leo man,, just stop in to say hey. This is from a book I’m reading that I found to be fun.. They used to feed red and white fly agaric mushrooms to their raindeer, hen drink the animals urine. Drinking the urine would give them a high similar to taking LSD. One of the results was that they thought they and their reindeer were flying through space, looking down on the world.
~Leo
Hello this is Leo,,Seeing that you like building a Zoo. You should go see the movie Madagascar. I’m going to take Tiffany and Sheena to that movie. I had seen the trailer and it look like a fun movie.
~Leo
I always thought girls don’t poo….at least not like that.
I always envisioned them droppin a load with poetic serenity…no splash sounds or grunting….just elevator music in the background, the smell of daisies, and a serene face of content as logs just slide out gracefully and spiral into the water with the elegance of an olympic diver. Way to distort my whole twisted perception of females….now I’m gonna go gay!
The most irritating and dissatisfying crap is the one I termed ” old bubblelicious”. The crap have the consistently of chewed old gum that just coats the inside of the intestines and no matter how much I sit and crap … I know half the sh*t is still coating my intestines. It literally takes days of not-so-fresh feeling before it loosens sufficiently for that satisfying on-time mail delivery.
Oh yeah and when that happens … I keep on thinking of the UPS commercials .. What can Brown do for you?? or Your world on time …