December 6, 2005

• I think it’s really funny–no–pathetic, how some people are criticizing the fact that Chinese actors play major characters in the the movie, “Memoirs of a Geisha.” They’re all pissed off because they think Japanese people are better equipped at playing Japanese characters in a movie set in Japan.

  
  

  Sure, I agree with that…just like how I believe that Jackie Chan is the best thing that’s ever happened to this planet, and if someone threw Jean-Claude Van-Damme into Police Story I would take to the streets and start burning babies.

  
  

  But, you see, judging by the way I belittled the angry anti-Chinese actor activists, that means there is a catch that makes my aforementioned analogy totally pointless.

  
  

  Before anyone gets mad about Zhang Ziyi playing Sayuri, and insisting that Japanese actors and actresses should have gotten the roles instead, remember that “Memoirs of a Geisha” is written by ARTHUR GOLDEN. That’s right–a white guy wrote a book about a Japanese girl. Sure, he researched the work extensively–but according to those who think you have to be Japanese in order to appreciate a story about a Japanese person, well, Arthur Golden is no Futabatei Shimei, now is he? If you want to start bitching about authenticity, start with the author and then work your way down.

  
  

  Then there’s the fact that the director is Rob Marshall–another white guy! Wait, wait, that means the movie still lacks authenticity because he’s not Akira Kurosawa! Wow…strike two on the Japanese authenticity issue.

  
  

  And then—the characters speak English! Why not Japanese? Gee, I don’t know…becuase the book was written by a white guy, the director is a white guy, the major actresses are Chinese, and the target audience is the English-speaking public?

  
  

  Here’s the thing pro-Japanese activists should remember: movies aren’t made for the sake of entertainment value–they’re made for profit. Lord of the Rings wasn’t an exact replication of the book, and neither is the new Harry Potter movie. They are adaptations, restructured so that they attract the greatest numbers of people. And you can’t do that effectively if you have a storyline people aren’t interest in, or actors people don’t recognize.

  
  

  And really–what’s the f*cking deal here? You complainers are the same people who push the “Asians all look alike” joke anyway. All of a sudden there is a difference when Chinese actors replace Japanese actors on screen. Tell me: what Japanese actress do you think should have played the role instead? Pick one, and guaranteed a majority of the people in America do not know who she is.

  
  

  Back to my awesome analogy then: if Cop Story was written for a Chinese actor, but Van Damme was all the rage, then it would be logical for the director to use Van Dammn instead of Jackie Chan because that’s who most people pay money to see.

  
  

  So quit your bitching.

  • 11:33 pm
  • 4 Comments