December 31, 2007
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The only time I ever made a New Year's Resolution was when I was an egg living in my mother's ovary. One day in 1981, I realized that being a 100 micrometer circle was a waste of my potential when I could instead be an awesomely awesome being of awesomeness.
At first I was going to put off being born until January 1, 1983, because I thought it would be easier to start life on the first day of the year instead of on one of the other 364 days. But then it occurred to me that by delaying my plan, I'd have to continue being an egg for awhile longer. And not just any egg, but a potential-wasting-egg who was voluntarily sitting in her own uselessness! The horror! Rather than waste any more time, I drop-kicked the next egg in line, became a fetus, and was born January 7, 1982.
The moral of that true story is: New Year's Resolutions are lame, and the only reason why people wait until January 1 to improve themselves is because they are trying to justify their present laziness.
That's right, resolution-makers, I said you're lazy. You know there are things about you that should be changed, but you don't want to put in the work. However, because giving up before you've even started makes you look like a loser, you excuse yourself by deciding to wait for the new year before you expend any time and effort. That way, you can continue sitting on your ass and indulging in habits that you admit are bad for you--but without guilt because you think that planning to change someday in the future, i.e. January 1, is the same as actually changing.
Well it's not the same, and you would have known that if your logic didn't reek of rotten testicles. People like me, whose logic smells like fresh clean testicles, all know that if a person thinks she is capable of affecting change in the future, then she's capable of doing it now. You can go on a diet, save money, drink less, smoke less, whatever, starting today instead of continuing to eat, spend, drink, or smoke more than you already know you should. All you need to do is quit your b*tching and just do it. *Insert NBA star with a Nike endorsement.*
Happy New Year!
Comments (9)
Happy New Year!! =)
But what if the resolve just *happens* to come on Dec. 31st, and you might as well give it more glory by starting it the next day?
Yeah, I agree. Resolutions were made to be broken. Your anecdote was amazing.
hmmm....what about the sperm cell though? your egg may have drop-kicked one in line, but the sperm had to beat out the other two million to avoid a horrible death don't forget...........
I agree. I try to do my best all the time, because perfection demands permanent upkeep. *cough*
^_-
excuse for laziness: maybe some people are afraid of changes?
resolutions are for losrs =]
your pictures are bloody hilarious LOL!!!!!!
Somehow, your new years resolution blog was a lot more uplifting than the one I wrote ... yes ... that is possible =P.
Happy New Year!!! Late or early, take your pic.