February 1, 2008
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I found myself in a perilous situation today. I'm not going to lie--I thought I wasn't going to make it without going blind. This was a most traumatic experience, one that I had suffered through before and vowed to never go through again. Was I in a horrible accident? No. Held at gunpoint? No. Forced to go to the dentist? Worse than that. I browsed another person's blog! *scream*
The blogger wrote about how she woke up at 11:17 AM, brushed her teeth with Crest Whitening toothpaste, and then spent the next 4 hours trying to decide what to wear to the mall before settling on the first outfit she picked. My eyes began to bleed, angry that I had abused them so. Before my vision completely faded away, I grabbed my mouse and desperately tried to close the page.
But wait! As my cursor moved toward the red box in the upper right corner of Windows Explorer, my eyes caught the headline: "if you don't like my site, then get the f*ck out!!!" I froze: this sentence, with its three exclaimation marks and original use of the f-word, clearly indicated that the blogger was a badass mother f*cker! And only badasses tell people who are leaving their site to leave their site.
Longtime Xangans have seen their fair share of these banal catchphrases since they appear on at least one out of every five blogs. They'll usually be in the header or somewhere on the person's profile page, perhaps typed out in the extremely chic UpPerCaSe-LoWeRcAse style, and accompanied by a profile picture of some 12-year-old kid who thinks he is a gangsta because he tilted his Nike cap to the side. With a picture like that, I'm definitely crapping my pants--I mean, he might pull a gat out of his "Yu-Gi-Oh" backpack and pop a cap in my ass...or worse, make me do his math worksheets! Basic addition? NO WAY!
The pointlessness of those phrases should be obvious: if your blog isn't interesting, I'm going to close the window and never visit your site again--unless I'm writing another post on bad grammar, in which case I must visit your site because it's got tons of great material for me to bag on. But for the most part I'm going to leave your site as soon as possible--the typical reaction of all living creatures who are confronted with a painful or uncomfortable experience.
Can't people think of a better defense mechanism to veil their deflated ego? Telling someone to "get the f*ck out" is like kicking yourself in the crotch just so you could beat the person whose leg was raised and aimed at your nads. It's just stupid.
Comments (10)
hey, don't make fun of my yugioh backpack. that's not cool
Haha, I promised myself I wouldn't go to another person's blog on 'featured content' or 'recently updated', but I'm glad I did.
@ridiculously_good_looking - I'm honored
hahaha. this is the second blog i've visited where i didn't know the writer and maybe i'm lucky, b/c both times, the writers have been very good. keep up the good work.
OMG, I Feel Ashamed Nows Of My Terrible Typing And Such.. Not Really, But Your Blog Gave Me A Laugh =)
As a fellow random blog browser, I agree. Props.
You made me laugh. Thank you.
Heh, that's usually how it goes when I blog-cruise.
And all of the girls at my school TyPe LiKe ThIs. It iS AnNoYiNg.
Ugh. I don't even see how that makes any sense. Typing like that technically means that you're going out of your way to purposely look like a douche.
And a bonus 10 points for you using the word "nads." Heh.
I agree 120%.
I *love* your writing....You crack me up!
Sarcasm...you would make a great trial lawyer. I can just imagine you sassing the judge. Hehe