February 6, 2008
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Valentine’s Day may be 8 days away, but I’ve already got a harem of guys trying to get me to accept their invitations for an evening of roses and fancy dinners. Contrary to what you may think, I don’t have any Game–unless you count the chloroform-soaked handkerchief I keep on me at all times. That’s my go-to whenever my body isn’t enough persuasion.
Anyway, being faced with the dilemma of choosing one date out of a batch of many, I though I’d just take the most democratic approach and draw someone’s name out of a hat. However, I had to drop that idea because I don’t own any hats. I do have boxes, plastic bags, and Tupperware, but it’s called “drawing a name out of a hat,” not “drawing a name out of a box, plastic bag, or piece of Tupperware.” Get with it, people!
Luckily, I have a Plan B: a process of elimination based on reality television shows. It makes sense to have these guys work for the chance to spend lots of money in exchange for a hug, maybe even a peck on the cheek. Afterall, hanging out with me is like an automatic ticket to Heaven. If people are willing to drink a maggot milkshake for cash, then they’d definitely be willing to go through Hell for me.
Here are some of my ideas. I don’t watch anything other than what’s on my TiVo, and the only reality tv shows it records are “Project Runway” and “Top Chef.” That means I am in dire need of suggestions.
Three Panelist Shows (American Idol, So You Think You Can Dance, Top Chef, Project Runway, America’s Next Top Model, Dancing with the Stars)
For this one, I’m going to do a Mr. Harem pageant and have the three judges score each guy. One judge will be a random person pulled from the street, who will rate the guys based on their physical compatibility. If a guy doesn’t look like he’d make a cute couple with me, he gets a bad score.
Another judge will be a good friend of mine, who will determine how long each guy will be able to hold my interest. If he talks a lot of nonsense about cars, hockey, politics, or social issues he gets a bad score. But if he talks about the Final Fantasy RPG series, he gets a great score.
I will obviously be the third judge. I’m scoring the contestants based on how well they play video games and get along with my cats. Bonus points if they can fold origami.
As for the contests, I don’t have a firm list but I know I definitely want to have a Business Attire round and a Naked round.
Survivor
Eight days worth of brutal challenges, with the winner getting to hang out with me for two hours. I’ve never seen an entire episode of “Survivor” before, so I don’t know what happens other than living in squalor and forming alliances. Who cares though? It’s all about making the guys go through obstacles anyway. Here are the challenges:
1. Take the Bar Exam in One Day: people who’ve taken the Bar know it’s the worst part of law school; law students who have yet to take the Bar know it’s the worst part of law school. Having the guys take a 3-day exam in 24 hours will definitely separate the weak from the weakest.
2. Contraction Matching: since I hate it when people get “their,” “they’re,” and “there,” mixed up, I think it’s appropriate to have a challenge for the guys to showcase their grammatical skills. They’ll get a worksheet with a bunch of sentences, and each sentence will have a blank space where they will have to fill in the correct contraction. One incorrect answer equals
deathelimination.3. Find an Indian restaurant that has patrons: This one is probably an unfair challenge. When have you seen an Indian restaurant that wasn’t dimly lit and empty?
4. Beat me in Bust-a-Move: It’s impossible to do–ask the rejects who were close to getting in my pants but instead ended up getting their nuts cut off by my super skills.
The Bachelor
Okay, so “The Bachelor” is an obvious choice–but the only reason why I would go this route is so I can have a “rose ceremony.” Except, instead of roses, I’ll give the guys kittens. I’ve never watched “The Bachelor” so I don’t know what else happens during the show.
As I said, I am in dire need of suggestions. Come on, my three readers! Share some of your brilliance with me.
Comments (237)
just read your previous post and was hilarious. haha.
Have them complete some sort of Love Obstacle Course, tailored to your needs [so they have to do... something with Final Fantasy, something with your cats, etc]. I’d watch it. xD
i definitely like number two. bad grammar is such a turn-off.
I”D ACE THEM ALLLLLL1 HAHAHAHA
good post!
inform your….4 readers how it works out!
I can’t wait for network TV to start doing NAKED ROUND. Maybe then I’ll watch.
I’d disagree about doing the Indian restaurant thing. I love Indian food, and there are always other patrons when I go there to eat.
You could also do a different take on “Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?” by asking them questions from the Brain Quest game. Whoever answers the most questions correctly wins the date.
)
hahaha so enjoyed reading this.
i have no suggestions as i have never found myself in this situation.
i am pretty sure my dad will be my valentine this year.
Congrats on getting Featured. Very funny post.
You could try something from America’s Next Top Model and have the guys strut their stuff in whatever ridiculous outfits you have lying around. It will fall under the physical appearance category. Can’t have your date looking like a slob.
RYC: Haha, well there’s no real explanation. It was just something I felt like doing.
“When have you seen an Indian restaurant that wasn’t dimly lit and empty?“
i been to one in SD that was pretty nicely filled and well lit (maybe cuz it was during a sunny afternoon)
haha, oh ya, will you be my valentines? just kidding
**sky is always blue….
this is one of the best blogs I have read in a very long time. Very funny. I am going to print it out and show my friends at work.
haha..hilarious !!! very interesting entry, props
Wow. Yeah. I’ll take you out any day. You’re awesome.
Brilliant and hilarious post!
P.S. Here’s something to go along with your mock “rose ceremony.” (Sorry, I didn’t see any kittens!)
Any girl that’s into Final Fantasy gains a lot of bonus points in my book. And my book is tight.
lies, noone invited you except your dad and pet squirrel!
I think this would be the most perfect way to eliminate weaklings.
how about making someone live out final fantasy 9 in only four days?
Don’t play games; it’ll only hurt the other parties’ feelings. I oughta know as I did the same thing with a group of girls.
final fantasy?? lol id thought it would be the other way around.
u shoudl get somebody to record this. it’ll make a great reality show lol
Ha!
I love you. And here I thought I was the only sadistically conceited girl on xanga.
“Valentine’s Day may be 8 days away, but I’ve already
got a harem of guys trying to get me to accept their invitations for an
evening of roses and fancy dinners.”
Ha ha, this is only problem that a girl would have. =) Just throw them in a pit and have the strongest living one take you somewhere nice. Then you can make him pay and never call him again! XD
Pity that many popular girls auction themselves out to flattering, often deperate and manipulative, bidders. Even more pitiful than the bidders.
This is not a small problem, but it can be solved:
My suggestions are as followed:
Carefully rate each candidate on the following criteria:
1 is the lowest and 5 is the highest score.
A. How compatible is he with you?
B. His political affiliation in comparison to yours.
C. His height and body fat content
D. His success level and career aspiration
E. His maturity level
The one with the highest score should be the winner.
Wow if only I had your problem. ^_^
“Contraction matching” — I definitely put all potentials through this screening.
lol so jks~ keep writing!
Just do all of them, like 50 first dates.
in one night.
what a challenge.
Have no suggestions. Good luck!
holy crap. hahahaha. Contraction Matching. for that, i’d take you out to dinner and buy you roses everyday for a whole fucking year. haha. too good.
Funny!
I think this shows just how much people need the writers’ strike to end…
i think you have way more than three readers… line ‘em up!
I decided this post was completely awesome when you started talking about Final Fantasy.
I don’t know about the judge going on “physical compatibility,” though. They always tend to think Asian goes with Asian, white goes with white, and black goes with black. My boyfriend would fail their test. It’s no fair. And according to your picture, you’re Asian, but if you have a ton of guys asking you out, I would assume at least one of them is possible white. He’d fail the test, and I’d be sad, because interracial couples are really cute together!
I especially like Contraction Matching and you cutting their balls off in video games, though. Girls owning guys in games is one of the best things in the world. I love this post for the mentioning of video games, females owning at video games, and contraction grammar.
Seriously, this was an awesome post.
since you enjoy video games, quiz them on knowledge of the final fantasy series (anything from characters, gameplay system, music, game locations, etc), and whomever has the highest score is deemed good enough to enjoy your company for those two hours. Sorry, thats not very fun or exciting, I just randomly thought of it as I typed. But reading this was a hilarious!
Me, I’d just go out with the one I liked the best. Or the one I thought would spend the most money on me, if I was in a catty and superficial mood.
LOL woman, this is hilarious.
Brillant! You could totally host your own reality show :] For sheezy.
Hopefully your “bachelor” is the right one.
another challenge you could do: have the potential guy sit through a typical “girl movie”, like, um, Princess Diaries or something. Without saying anything. And then he has to watch it again, and describe how it makes him feel. talk about brutal….
anyway, hilarious post. congrats on being featured!
You have a great site here — the things you write about are very interesting and humorous. I also liked the “Three Amigos” quote in your profile.
how many guys are there in this harem? and they’ll all go through whatever you want them to do?
I was with you up to that part about folding your cats like origami. Those little bastards have claws, you know! (Take it from someone who has learned the hard way.)
I used to live next door to an Indian restaurant. There was never anyone there, and it was supposed to be one of the best in the area. So I can back you up on that one.
Good luck narrowing down the harem.
bloody hilarious post. you could eliminate by: 1) rock scissors paper tournament, 2) jump rope contest, 3) red rover (you know, to check for adequate arm strength).
But if rock, scissors, paper doesn’t do the trick, then…..
Stand strong to the Bust-a-Move rule! I used the Puzzle Bobble variant to find my lady love. ^_^
damn, opposite from me. I have NO dates….:( just go wtih your gut feeling…or go with the one you think you will have fun~ haha..that’s OBVIOUS~
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Doesn’t seem like you really like any of them given the hurdles you’re devising for them.
i’d ask them each to MAKE me a valentine card. the one that appeals the
most gets the highest marks. also have them read at least 3 books and
write a short essay about them, you don’t want someone who is isn’t
literate, witty, and eloquent.
“If he talks a lot of nonsense about cars, hockey,
politics, or social issues he gets a bad score. But if he talks about
the Final Fantasy RPG series, he gets a great score.”
Wow, if I hadn’t already found the girl of my dreams, I’d be experiencing a dire need to compete! It’s rare you find that kind of criteria. Hope you have an awesome Valentine’s Day with whoever comes out on top, possibly filled to the brim with Emerald and Ruby WEAPON strategy discussion, unless that’s too much…
HAHAHA, I would so watch that! That would be one of the Best Reality Shows of Our Time, no joke.
random comment, but YEAH ROCK ON DUDE
And I love your outlook on How To Choose a Guy
will this be uploaded on youtube? because i would enjoy watching this. [:
lol!!
Heck, go out with all of them kind of like the I Love New York show and then choose who you want to go to the final date with thus the Valentine’s Date. In the end you get more than one date and it’s a win win situation for everyone no? Unless, you don’t have the time to go out with them all. Hmm…other option. Have them suggest a Valentine’s Gift and whoever is most creative wins and thus wins the Valentine’s Date with you.
lol
LOL
youre a funny person i like your way of thinking!
dood, you’re hilarious. Survivor should be fun.
4. Beat me in Bust-a-Move.
LOL you gotto see my little sister playing DDR, she dance like snakes~
How about taking Jeopardy! and doing a romance-related version?
If you remember The Dating Game, you could always use that as a fallback.
You should have them duel, but instead of weapons they should riverdance.
silly silly silly goose. you don’t do anything randomly. everything must be handled in a systematic way. for instance, ask yourself this. which person will be more willing to spend the most money on you. you may not like the idea of this, but every person has wants and desires that have to be quenched.
second, which person will you have fun with. that is something that is very important to take into consideration. not only must the dinner be satisfactory, but the time you spend having it must be unforgettable.
fifthly, just pick one. this kind of stuff only happens once a year. it’s not like you’ll spend the rest of your life with this one person. well maybe you will. who knows.
you even said it yourself, this will ‘last 2 hours.’ perhaps a bit more if you decide to do anything else worth mentioning afterwards. but other than that, it’s only valentine’s day. a day that was contrived by hallmark to increase their profits due to the lack of holidays in a year.
and you lucky bum. featured post for the second time since the start of myxanga
experience. you must feel honored. anyways, good luck
haha.. nice page.
hilarious post btw..
HA!!! This is BRILLIANT!!!
You definitely need to update later and let us know how it all turned out.
Choose none. They’re all dicks with faces, anyway.
I’d definitely find a way to combine Contraction Matching with the Three Panelist idea. Final Fantasy is very important…as is grammar. =] Perhaps engaging your contestants in conversation as part of the judging would somehow reveal their knowledge of the differences among the “there” homophones? Good luck to you.
indian restaurants without patrons? sadly, i’ll admit that its true. im indian, and my parent’s have friends who own indian restaurants, and they rarely stay open for a long time. my stepdad is opening one soon, and this ones gonna be good…with a lot of patrons.
wish us luck.
my valentines day night will include me and a couple close friends in front of a 7-11 sharing the most expensive box of Russel Stovers they have and drinking Arizona’s finest array of iced tea’s and ades.
Your welcome to join if you like. We’ll be sure to turn up some souls of mischief for yah.
Ha! You write very well. I will come read your site again if I may.
I must object to the grammar challenge, as it would eliminate many otherwise fine young men.
But what is this two hour thing? Love requires time. Love eats time like popcorn, don’t chew know?
True sexual satisfaction comes only with many offspring, as they lie atop you in bed, descending into sleep. It doesn’t get better than that. Changing diapers, walking about the house with a child who wakes up in the night, unable to sleep … if a person limits his “love” to some sterile two-hour dinner, then he doesn’t have much, and if coitus and the expression of desire leading up to that, is his primary focus, then he is sort of left holding the bag, as it were, is he not?
Nope, love, and your time together, is indivisible. You can’t put a time limit on it. That’s my two cents worth. I hope it is of some use.
But yes, Valentine’s Day is coming, and I must fine something for most adorable Wifey, a real challenge, as she cares nothing for “special days,” and cares very much that I spend zero money on her, always prefering to save for the future of our brood.
I hope you have a fine Valentine’s Day.
Padooker
Survivor sounds like a good plan to weed them out… although the Three Panelist Naked Round does have its appeal…
errr…good luck in picking a good one and have fun!
Excellent post!Pick me as your date he he he
Question: Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama?
Celebrities Pick Their Choice – Who would you rather elect?
Ninja Warrior meets A Shot at Love meets Iron Chef.
That would be perfectly disgusting. Take pics, post to your videoblog, whatever.
=P
fun
nice post
You made my day with this!!
Yeah, I love number two. My friends tell me I’m a bit of a grammar snob, but a boy who says “your awesome” to me just makes me cringe, not smile. *shudder*
or just forget them all and invite a bunch of your girlfriends over for a movie night instead.
what’s with the whole race to find a date for one night in the year? I mean seriously…it’s great to go out and do something special with someone who’s already special to you. but why hang out with someone who isn’t special trying make them someone special overnight? it’s so retarded. sheesh…just enjoy the night!
survivor it
I really really wish I knew what having one person ask me out feels like.
Your life is like a fairy tale to me.
This is totally hilarious! Go girl!
throw them all in a pit of death. last man standing wins. but since you might get in trouble for that i say date them all… make each one take you out for dinner before v-day comes around… then on the night before v-day, go through your mind which one was the best date and go with him on v-day… i figure it’s a win-win situation since they all get to go out on a date with you and you get like 129387192738 free dinners…
yes, i rule
I’m glad I’m not the only one who dislikes when people uses “their” for “they are”
Host a fight to the death, the way Nature intended.
I’d make them match countries with their capitals somewhere in there or maybe a Spelling Bee.
Since when did everything become a job interview? How about just getting to know each guy, and trusting your own judgment, rather than turning your love life into a reality show. I love the fact that reality shows call themselves reality, when they’re anything but that.
Here’s a brilliant idea… have you ever seen Ninja Warrior on G4?! We so have to have them go through that with dubbed English announcers!!!
Your blog is funny!
hahah, interesting dilemma you got there. have you ever seen the korean game show xman? if not you should take a look, it’ll give you some good ideas. here’s a link to make it easier http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RKBqD-EV4LE. lol oh man…… looks like fun.
Is it supposed to be funny or are you always this modest?
No wonder all these guys want to go out with you on valentines day! My guy friend just walked by as I was reading your entry and he was like “Who is that? I need a date for valentines day!” But then he read your grammar post and was like “people who are grammar snobs are really just insecure about their level of intelligence.” I don’t get it… he’s has a small penis anyways.
I absolutely love Final Fantasy RPGs… but I think I’ll lose major points because I’m a girl.
Thankfully I don’t have the Valentine’s Day problem this year. My boyfriend suffices quite nicely.
haha. this is great.
I will be alone, and happy to spend the day eating ice cream and watching chick flicks.
What about the Business Attire round and Naked round? You didn’t elaborate on those. And, try Rock, Paper, Scissors? Oh wait, only try that if the guys are equally hot. You can practically do a Manhunt: The Search for the Perfect Valentine Date. LOL.
i did this before. i had them first get me the best present they could find (shows how much they know me). Then i had them take an egg home and whoever returned it perfectly won the 2nd round (this shows if they can be a father). Then I had them fight. This shows who can protect me.
Your 1st idea is difficult b/c that just means you want a lawyer. but the other sound ok. just doesn’t really prove much except they’d be fun for awhile.
A girl who likes video games, and is put off by bad grammar? I need to find myself a girl like this.
You have more than three readers now
. I think you’d be perfect for NDM…hehehe. He’ll kill me if he knew I typed this…lol.
I think you should take a picture of these guys and post them up on Xanga for us to judge them and have us think of really good questions for you to ask these guys. Have each guy do 5-10 things to prove themselves worthy of two hours to spend with you (Trying to beat you in Bust-a-Move can be one task). Each task gets more difficult and has points allotted to each task. The harder the task the more points the guy gets if he does the task well.
Have fun.
Well, you could just have them fight it out. Do more of an American Gladiator free for all game. Or, you could make them all spend money racing around the world as in the Amazing Race(except they use their own money).
Course, you could just go with the guy who treasts you with the most respect.
Haha, I really like the contraction matching idea!
I cringe inside when people misspell your and you’re too.
The option to stick it to the system and not force yourself to go out on a date is present as well, although I imagine you might find that a bit boring. =]
What are you? An alien woman from outside planet of superior intellect.
My response to your statement would be: They’re losing their heads over there.
Disclaimer: Anything that seems sarcastic should be taken otherwise.
I believe I can pass #2, 3, and 4, forget about #1. Since we’re off limits to each other, I would make the perfect judge!
or you can just pick the guy who you feel you’d rather have a fun time with. You can always ask the others for a date the day after valentine if it doesn’t go too well, hah!
damn sylvia…u may not know it, but ur posts are the only thing worth reading on xanga LOL keep up the great lit. HAHA
wow i really feel like helping you pick 1 of the 1000000000 guys that love you…………….*grabs my gun point it to my face”
Haha – I assure you the comment was only meant as a compliment. It’s always a pleasure to see someone with good humor and boundless wit. And to add knowledge of video games into the bundle? A lovely combination. Don’t take what I say too seriously – it’s only meant to let you know I thoroughly enjoyed your post.
Besides, I’d never pick up a girl over the net. It’s way too tacky.
“Afterall, hanging out with me is like an automatic ticket to Heaven.”
Wow… You are so confident… or over-exaggerated… – -”"”
Lol this new hybrid love system between traditional and contract is quite amusing. I wonder how long the gain of private monopoly ownership will last in the end. Overall, its a new trait I think this scheme has made the assessment of suitable applicants far more accurate hands down babe (“,) haha.
This post is funtastic
cheers
happy harvesting
American Idol and Dancing with the Stars will rot your brain.
They that observe lying vanities forsake their own mercies……
I don’t know… The prize is pretty weak. When you win, you get to take a girl on a date with your money… It’d be better if all participants put their cash into a pool and duke it out to the death. Hey, red is a romantic color…
thanks for taking the time to read and reply. i agree that auctions work well for many things, especially when the objects can be quantified by a small number of parameters. interesting writing you have here. i would like to ask you to check out http://www.jgospel.net. happy new year and happy valentine’s day.
oh no problem at all, thanks for posting !!!
I think of all the reality shows you already have two of the top three on TiVo. I suggest adding Amazing Race when it comes back around. It’s always good to have each of your guys bring a partner and then put them through some kind of race. Personalities always come out during a partner race. It’s a good dimension of a person to see before wasting time dating them.
if u are considering this route, it is obvious that none of them touched your heart. i guess just take advantage of it for a night is not so bad…. but what if it turns out to be a date from hell? is the chosen one worth the trouble to find out?
either way, do post the aftermath so we can all enjoy what actually happened! happy v-day…
Interesting post. The start of your post made me think that you were a bit full of yourself, but the FF reference and other references made me realize that you were different.
RYC: Er…What is ‘god’s hand’ and ‘dynamite’? Are they some secret rules for Rock, Paper, Scissors that I never knew about?
Quite the interesting blog here. Wow- all these men vying for a portion of your time. Hmmm, I find “their” intensity of devotion for you quite fascinating. You make it clear that “they’re” willing to jump through the hoops of any challenge you decide upon.
I’m sure “there” must be a key factor to this power you have established over all these men. Could it be your looks, personality, or perhaps an addiction to the scent of chloroform?
KITTENS!!!! I Wouldnt Give Them Kittens… TOOO Delicate, Plus, Wat If They Drop The Kitten =(
POOR KITTIES!!! T-T
I wanted to give you credit for your post Choose Identity. Send a comment and say hi if you’re around in the near future.
my page
free ringtones
check out my awsome pages if you get the chance.
You should drop by my profile sometime and say hi.
Eprops for ya!
=) Chang
To God (of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob) be all the glory! John 3:30
1. And he said to them all, If any man will come after me (Jesus Christ), let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me. Luke 9:23 (KJV)
2. I tell you, Nay: but, except ye REPENT [turn away from your sins], ye shall all likewise perish.Luke 13:3 (KJV)
3. And there shall in no wise enter into it any thing that defileth, neither whatsoever worketh abomination, or maketh a lie: but they which are written in the Lamb’s book of life. Revelation 21:27 (KJV)
And saying, The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand: repent ye, and believe the gospel.
Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost. Acts 2:38 (KJV)
If you die in your sin, you will go to HELL! Today is the day of salvation! Accept Jesus Christ for He is your only hope!
(For he saith, I have heard thee in a time accepted, and in the day of salvation have I succoured thee: behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation.) 2 Corinthians 6:2 (KJV)
Christ was beaten & crucified, shed blood blood, died and ROSE again to save u from your defining and abominable sins (lust, pride, pre-marital sex, one lie, masturbation, sodomy including homosexuality, murder, hatred, rebellion, disobedience against parents, touching, kissing)!
Hmm, Final Fantasy, proper grammar, and dance skill? No wonder you have so many invites.
you’re so lucky. follow your heart. corny as it may sound. imho, go w/ the guy that never would have had a chance, and make his day.
LOL =]
You should bust out with the Ninja Warrior challenge. It’s a crazy game show in Japan. Here’s a clip:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VG5_diRx4U
I’d throw my hat into your valentine ring, but getting a kitten and schooling you in Bust-A-Move doesn’t sound like much of a date. Let me know how your valentine competition goes!
hahaha
have a nice valentine’s
congrats on being featured!
i enjoyed reading this and i am not at all worried about valentines day, as my valentine thinks its a rip off and doesnt celebrate it!
@Naoko_Ai - Ha I certainly wouldn’t mind if a girl kicked my ass in a videogame, be it Tekken, Soul Calibur, Guitar Hero, or Burnout. To me, there’s nothing more attractive than a girl who has as just passion in what is traditionally viewed as a guy’s sport.
RYC: I’m guessing the Muffing Man hasn’t gotten the camera out and brought in Mistress Helga? That may be your bag, baby, but that’s a big no thanks from me
.
Me compete for a girl? HA!
Bad grammar is such a turn off. You should also make them distinguish between to, too and two. You’d be surprised at how many people actually get those wrong (at least to and too). Or its and it’s. That challenge would narrow it down quite a bit.
Then you could have them write (grammatically correct) love poems and whichever one was the best would be your date.
You are looking at this all wrong! You just need to schedule one breakfast date, a brunch date, a lunch date, a coffee date, a dinner date, and then a drinks & dancing date. Tell the other 2 guys you don’t like to go out on the actual Valentine’s day because everything is too crowded. So have one take you to dinner on the 13th and one on the 15th.
Enjoy it!
i like the part where instead of giving roses to them, you give them kittens. Brilliant!
during the time it took you to make an analysis of your situation and share it with the public, you could have gone out and bought a hat from which to pick someone among your “batch of many”. absolutely absurd. can’t believe this was featured.
good for you.. but I am still single i don’t believe in Valentine’s Day it’s a sham
Yay for the grammatical test!
lets all give some love!
This made me giggle. Thank you. Good luck w/ V-day!
Lovely! Although I wonder if you’re serious…?
That was good, with the three readers thing- no way would you expect Featured, but hey, it happened! Oh the irony…
Happy Valentine’s Day!!!
Rofl Dance bitches dance. You could also look into which have endurance to. Just find a huge globe, fill it with water… Hold a Tournament FFX style… The ones that don’t drown move to round 3.
Interview, for sure! Like a job.
Or get the parents involved. Haha. See who breaks a sweat or even runs out the door!
~~Mary~~
Feed drowned ones to the Mutated Sea bass with freakin lasers attached to their heads! That would be Shagtastic!
You should feel lucky to have a date. Many wish they had one but don’t. You should also not feel obligated to go on one just because it’s VDay. It’s a celebration of love, not a prom.
I’m not sure I’d want to date a girl with expectations like that. Even if I can talk about Final Fantasy.
Thank you for the comment! Alessandra is my favorite model. I once received the glorious compliment of being told I looked like her! Did you know she is expecting a baby?
~~Mary~~
haha, you are awesome for just coming up with all of this
Spelling Bee is the modern way to do things.
sigh….
You know, Valentines day is COOL!
PSHA.
I can do all those.
‘Cept #3 DANG! … you’re RIGHT.
Great post.
…be my valentime?
1.
Nobody like lawyers2.
Nobody like a grammar Nazis3.
Nobody like to smell like deodorants masking
curry4.
Nobody likes to be beaten by me in Bust-A-Move
Cheers!
C
no problem, glad to share, especially things that brings me a smile and makes me laugh.
hope you have a good time making your pick.
haha your ideas for the survivor challenges are awesome.
look no further, i will fold you some origami. i can only fold swans though, maybe even turtles if there’s a book on it.
I really try to refrain from making comments like this … and I apologize ahead of time, but … I don’t think I’ve ever seen a more coneited post in my life.
Way to be a pretentious ass of a person and take every bit of fun out of a shallow holiday.
Come back down to earth there cowboy.
Try going with the obvious plan that’s seemed to work for centuries. Go on a date with the person that you sincerely enjoy being around*. Good god, woman. Who do you think you are? O.o
*This should be an extremely simple decision. Although, I’m gonna go out on a limb here and assume that this “harem” you claim to have after you, is a result of your typical naivety as a woman. Get your head out of your ass, stop teasing everyone in sight, and at least pretend to have a humble attitude once in a while. It’ll do ya wonders.
Cheers.
Hi its me löökîng för the bêäuties öf the göd..If u thínk u r beautiful then jöin mê..
ooops i got no date. ANYONE?
That is the best idea I’ve EVER heard. I especially enjoy the grammar part.
hehe…poor guys…
this is your final fantasy indeed
Phew! I don’t think you know how lucky you are!
ilena holder….Rose Garden by Awe-struck ebooks 2/11/08
Wow, yay. It’s so awesome everyone is chasing you. Now get over yourself and write something actually worth writing about. Please I didn’t even spend my time reading this garbage.
Well, I love watching Top Chef, so I think one of your rounds will have to do with cooking.
Round One – can they even cook, if they can’t then you’ve gotta cut them loose unless they have lots of money and will take you to good restaurants for the rest of your life
Round Two – have they do a qwick fire Dessert round, any guy who can whip up a delectable dessert is worth keeping
Round Three – Have them to all of your dishes, wash, rinse, and put away…Even if they can’t cook at least they can help with the dishes.
hahaha… ur posts r funny as hell…
I found your post to be hilarious. Don’t pay attention to the few people who can’t understand the humor in your post and take everything seriously. They must feel insecure themselves.
hahaa!! .. i wish i had that many options for valentines day .. id rather have that than nothing at alll
So apparently three readers became 150+
I would just sit the men down in front of a Playstation and the first one to win Final Fantasy 7 gets to date you on Valentine’s Day.
Hm. I know it’s controversial, and rarely tested in controlled environments, but have you ever tried choosing your dates based on who you actually like and are attracted to? If the answer is, I’m not attracted to them, well…why bother?
*raises hands* i want to be a judge
Absolutely hilarious post! <3 it!
haha
I will be a cross of Paula and Simon~ I seem nice but everything coming out of my mouth will be a criticism but not in an English accent.. more like a Yan-can-cook accent. Oh mah gawd.. you no go to next lvl! 
hahaha
hey, i love you. call me.
funny.
For one, having “a Plan B” is “bad grammar”, as “their” [Hee hee] can only be one Plan B in your situation…
secondly, Indian food isn’t too bad… eat my mum’s food… I still can’t get enough of it… altho, the crap that you get in Indo-American restaraunts is a joke!!! so i can’t blame you either… I’d say that in your defense… but of course… this hardly seems to be the least of your problems…
Angel… it’s not a problem at all… no need to have your own reality show… unless you really must be bored… it takes up entirely too much time! your time!
Here is a short ten minute interview that you can take with each of the contestants:
First Question: What’s the capital of India? Do you like Indian Food? [this is the make-or-break question]
Second Question: What do you understand by the phrase ‘pulling your prick’ in a figurative sense? [you know why we need this question]
NOTE: if they don’t know the answer to this question, tell them that’s exactly what you’re doing right now, and having a nice time too!
Third Question: What do you understand by the term ‘cross your “i”s and dot your “t”s? [If they answer this question pretentiously, you know what it means, they can't listen, love to talk but hell they atleast they can open their mouths, which have their uses in other areas of skill]
Fourth Question: What do you think our baby would look like? Can I have half of your stuff when we’re thru?
NOTE: Excellent question if you want to get rid of him!
Fifth Question: How did the word ‘Duh!’ come into existence?
[and well, if they don't have an answer for that, you know what to do (optional: tell 'em that they're the very reason it came into existence]
LAST QUESTION: Do they like devices with a ‘whirring’ sound? If so, name one? What do they use it for and how?
[This is a redundant question, but it kind of tells whether they've grown up or not.]
That’s all I can get for now…
You make the “answer key” for these questions! You need to do some work… right?
Cheers,
Dan
haha, i like #2.
Hehe, I’d score great on the gaming part, but I dunno about the other stuff..^^
agree w/ janae_san, if only i had your problem =]
When I read your 2nd paragraph I thought “learn to think outside of the box!”
But then I read the rest, and I think you already know how to think outside of the box.
Here’s some advice from someone who just celebrated her 20th wedding anniversary: Find someone who has the same (or compatible) life goals as you. Pick a direction, and travel there together. I am looking forward to the next 20+ years with my life partner!
LOL! i love ur ideas…good luck chick
MWAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHHA
Hahaha… you are hilarious..
maybe you ought to have them mud wrestle each other too
=F
Haahahahha..
Wow… so many guys? You must be lucky… Sometimes I am not sure why guys make such a big deal over a girl. I think the girl is the one that chooses the guy so no point in going out of your way to try to impress her. If she wants to be with you she will find a way to let you know. Also guys should date with some seriousness in mind; otherwise why waste the girls time. If they are not interested in commitment than what IS IT that they are interested in? I don’t know. Maybe I’m jaded. But for me, unless I’m serious, I just don’t feel like making an effort. Maybe I am just relationship lazy. Have fun on your date!
i LOVE your entry.
haha FF
please write an entry about the results!!
A little more than three readers, it seems.
That seems to be a lot of trouble trying to choose a date. If none of those guys stick out, is it really that much worse vegging in front of your computer playing video games, salivating, eating cold pizza and listening to the same old album you’ve heard every day for the last year and a half in drawn out, lonely seclusion?
Can that really be so much worse than the overwhelming crowding and entertainment of some loser trying to impress you an entire day? Well it’s what I do every Valentine’s day and I’m happy.
Ohhh who am I trying to kid? I wish I was you……. so much power!
i really don’t know why but for some reason a girl who can cut your nuts off by playing bust a move is extremely hot. if you gotta get castrated, that’d at least be an interesting way to go
Why don’t you just have them bring you a copy of their bank statement,
I think that’s shallow enough.
Damn… such a hottie.
I would invite you out, but I live too damn far away, plus I need to get my Blue Mage to lvl 75 on FFXI this week.
Haaha… just kiddin’ =]
(wait… I do have to play FFXI) -_-
My Bust-a-Move skills are sub par, but can you hack it on Tetris Attack? And the Final Fantasy series peaked at 6, although Tactics was a fantastic departure.
Call me?
funny post.
Death match fight to the finish! Battle Royale!
Well number one is just mean… :p
@thisiswhereItellyoueverything - Nice.
Hi-larious. And on top of that, you made me see the good side of getting the opposite the last years… I mean, they have candy grams @ school, but I think if some guys could send me some kind of hate grams, they would… guys I don’t even know either… lucky I snagged someone this year… but after what I went through, I’d go for the guy who seemed to be the sweetest, most genuine, just overall nice guy. If that doesn’t work, I say go for the # panel judge show. I want to see that!
OK, here’s another possibility- have them do a “Cannonball Run” type of event where they have a coast to coast road race. You could have some waypoint clues along the way in various states to keep them from trying to cheat by flying. The first person to make it there and then back to you first gets the prize.
P.S.
After in reading the replies you’ve received, apparently some folks are taking your words very seriously. =:-0 That in itself can be part of the contest- the ability to differentiate between non-fiction and humor. =)
i saw your entry from the front page. Now let me get this straight. You like video games, you have cats, you write extremely well, and you look like that? Yeah thats believable…and I am president of the united states.
Anyways back to being a nerd. Ask him “how do you get out the dungeon without using the wizard’s key” (Simpsons’ reference) And ask him to beat ninja gaiden sigma on the ps3 on the hardest difficulty. Getting both means he has good mental and physical reflexes. that is hard to find, oh wait no that is like every asian guy ever.
wow straight pimping! =P good luck!
i would make a list of characteristics i want, like personality, looks, interests/career etc…see which matches you the best?
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You have quite the dilemma. Finding the Indian restaurant with patrons sounds promising. You’ll pick the guy who knows his way around town and acquire a new dining option.
ahhh, grammar trolls…gotta love ‘em (they keep me on my toes) =D
Your humility is overwhelming…. >=P
If there is justice in this world, you’ll end up with nobody on the big day…
Upon careful review of the past 7 years of Elim-a-date, you’re still lacking an essential component of successful dating shows: big food. I mean like a child’s-swimming-pool-of-ice-cream sized big food, which someone will (of course) end up in and hilarity ensues. Maybe try giant pad thai? It’d be edgy, and sort out the weak ones with peanut allergies. Best of luck. I want you to know that this is the kind of freedom I signed up to defend – no big deal, thank me whenever.
you’re too damn conceited.
Babe, I’m so vain, I actually think my blog is about me.
LOL…why don’t you set them all up on a potential “speed dating” set up and spend 2 minutes with each one and thru process of elimination, you round robin till ya get a winner….that should help you come to some conclusions in just a matter of “minutes”…depending on how large that ‘bevy’ of stock on hand is! *Ding ding!* Gooooooo!
hmmm i dont know, take a chance like a real human being and just pick one on your gut feelings and not make those guys jump through hoops? thats just my slant ^_^
Awesome post, I laughed so hard!
i need great sexy freined like you m y lady you haave sexy tites
MNA I SEE SEE YO PAGE IS CUTE !!
ask your them if they know where babies come from… i personally don’t.
can someone enrich my life and explain this mystery to me?
boo, my comment box doesn’t work…
i asked you to ask your suitors, if they know where babies come from… i don’t. will someone please enlighten me?
i’m confused…
At the risk of you, in turn, checking out my pathetic site, I’d like to comment and say that this and your previous three posts are all hilarious. But I figure this comment should be lost among the hundreds, since you have a lot more than three readers now. Congrats! I especially enjoyed the rant on birth control commercials.
Yah, the bar exam sucked. Imagine having to take it in a 24 hour period. At least you would be done with in one shot. I’m glad, I’ve survived that- taking and passing the bar exam.
Go Tila Tequila style.
Here is the obvious solution … why don’t you just pick the guy you like best? Screw the contest … you are trying to make love “fair” when love is the the most unfair concept in the world because you can’t logically choose a particular person to fall in love with.
Just choose the guy you like best and quit jerking your “harem” around … they are human beings too, let the unchoosen at least have a chance to ask someone else out.
this post is quite ridiculous,
either you’re trying to get attention,
or you’re showing off how many guys want your attention,
it’s just stupid
how about you schedule your entire day between those guys
Example:
10-12 Guy One
12:30-2:30 Guy two
3-5 Guy three
Etc etc ^_^
THEN, you can come and give me all those kittens. =)
Your posts are hilarious.
And how good are you, that’s the first question…
haha, funny and awesome post!
MM.. my personal favorite: the 3 Panelists Show, it’s fail proof
or, you could just jump my bones
omg! brilliant post! lucky you to have a string of guys asking you out on Valentines. i think it’s another single’s night out for me, if i can pull myself away from my assignments that is.
that’s not something i would complain about
why do you have to choose one? go out with all of them on that night. heck, you keep a harem of men for a reason, right??
pass by=]]
CM 4 U……
Have you seen the guys who go on reality competition shows? They are either right out of high school or wish they were still in. Low IQs and low class frat boys for the most part.
Your competition may indeed find a winner, but tell me, if you choose the best looking rat in your trashcan, isn’t it still a dirty rodent? Good luck!
I don’t know where you find YOUR Indian restaurants, but all the ones I’ve been to have been bustling with commotion.
Good luck with your gentleman-callers
haha…not a bad idea…i gotta say though, this takes finding a date to a level much more excruciating than usual…
no idea why this made featured..
Your three readers? Well I’m pretty sure you have more than that now, since your post got you on the featured articles. I love your sarcasm though. Just stunning. Anyway, I’d go for Survivor, since that sounds a lot more entertaining. A guy is especially worth it if he’ll endure ridicule and immense humiliation to garner a girl’s attention. (I know from experience.) ;] Good luck with your game/plans.
funny stuff, have a nice V-day
So, how’s the game coming along?
I can definitely see how you became a “xangalebrity.” A sharp sense of humor, somewhat photogenic (if that’s your actual picture), and a killer grammatical understanding… it is hard to see the press not eating it up.
Another suggestion (although it is pointless at this time) for your selection process is caveman-style. Toss them all in a mud pit and have them fight to death. Winner takes all. Although I suppose this would not be a very good method if you want your date to be in one piece.
LOL…I love the contraction matching…I may not be an English major, but I hate misspellings (especially in books!!), and the misuse of contractions.
And the kitten ceremony…ROFLOL!
Lol, awesome.
I write hour long contracts essays in half an hour, and get all the issues. BWAHAHA!!!! Do I qualify?