February 29, 2008
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I didn’t know if I would have any material to come up with Lesson 2, but if I did I was planning on waiting a few days before posting. But this is was too much for me to keep to myself. So here is…
Lesson 2: Leaving Comments
The blogging community is made up of two groups: the Writers and the Readers. The group you belong to depends on which activity you do more of. I’m obviously a Writer because I don’t have the balls of steel required to be a Reader. Just the thought of clicking on a link and ending up on a site maintained by an asshat who can’t spell…I’d rather get violated by a horse than take that chance. And I’m not talking about those cute, mini horses, either. I am willing to take it inmate style from one of those crazy Budweiser horses if it means I can avoid a bad blog.
Anyway, the relationship between Writers and Readers is what ensures blogging’s posterity. As a Writer, I have the freedom of writing whatever I want, however I want–but I also have a responsibility to my Readers. You subscribed because you were
high on crackentertained in some way by something I wrote. And because you spend your time reading my stuff, it’s only fair that I do my best to make it worth your while.In order for me to maintain your interest, I have a scientific method of determining which features are more prevalent in my audience’s entertainment values. I print out all my entries, put treats on them, and then see which treats get gobbled up by my cats first. Unfortunately, this has yielded zero results because my cats don’t like the carrot sticks I give them in order to avoid eating them myself (carrots are nasty!). Instead I just read your comments to make sure I’m on the right track.
The feedback from Readers keeps us Writers motivated to do what we do. And in turn, we will continue to write stuff that you prefer to read. The Comment is therefore a huge part of blogging, so it is important to both sides that your opinions are heard.
However, this is not possible if you don’t proofread your comments. I understand that it seems pointless to go over something that is only three sentences long–but it is a huge deal if you want consistent quality from your Writers. Luckily for me, you guys have got grammar and spelling down–including contractions! Thank you so much for paying attention in your elementary classes!
I know I’m a grammar/spelling whore, but I’m not asking for perfection. However, at the very least, please don’t leave comments like this:
To all the hatters out there that are happy that Yao is out, well that proves that you where scared of the Rockets and know that we where the best team in the west. We are going to miss Yao, but we will make it far this year.
Word! All those hatters wearing their stupid hats best stop hatting on Yao Ming and go back to You, the state/country where all the people who are scared of the Rockets live. Where is the best team in the west? We, that’s where. So don’t fake the funk on the nasty dunk!
(By the way, I did not make that one up. It really is someone’s comment.)
Now that I am done mocking that bit to pieces, what does a comment like this do for me? First of all: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA x 1 billion trillion. Secondly, this person should get himself some “Hooked On Phonics” lessons ASAP. Finally, I’m not going to cater to his opinions because he sucks ass.
Comments (46)
i like reading you because youre funny/pretty/ you approve of my body…
but dis ain’t schol
enough of this writing stuff, just post hot pics. thanks!
Aww, how thoughtful of you!
And I love carrots. Give them to me!
I do proofread my comments, but once in a blue moon, I’ll find a typo after I’ve posted a comment, so I leave another comment correcting the previous comment. I’m a loser of sorts.
as an educator…more specifically, an english teacher, i have the unenviable task of trying to explain proper grammar to a generation of texting delinquents. even at the high school level, i’ve found that the writing ability of most kids is horrible. it really is. i suppose that is the curse of the internet blogging world, the lack of spelling and grammar checks. anyone can post what they want, however they want, no matter the propensity for misuse of the english language. but then again, people like you and i would never be able to complain about them either. life as a double-edged sword, swallow it whole.
Careful! Making fun of people’s comments might get you some “hatters” yourself!
@Peteismyhero - I know. But lucky for me, the people who leave comments here are all really, really good about the spelling and grammar. I had to venture onto the Yahoo sports blogs to find that gem.
oh heeecckkk NO… philkwon just told you to swallow a sword.. hey.. eff you philkwon!!*comes to your aid, misguided and a bit confused.. mid text msg to boot*
anyways, I am definitely much less formal in blogland (and with my responses) than I would be in a paper. I do try to keep spelling and most grammar much more gooder than the general public.. but sometimes style (read: laziness) and attempts at comedy dictate how I end up letting my thoughts spill out all over your awesome comment section..
really though, the main reason I’m even commenting is because I think I’m in love… any woman willing to take it inmate style by one of those crazy Budweiser horses to avoid… well.. anything really, is fully deserving my my undying love hahaha..
you miss.. are A+
mad as a hatter
oh youuu… stop it..
you had me at mini horse.. <3
p.s – looking back over your old posts.. i’m really upset that I wasn’t around much sooner… BLAST!
BLAST I SAY!! for my limited early 20th century vocabulary limits me so..
/cries.
you have developed quite a following of admirers, absolutangel64… kudos. =)
HA! yes, a real live english teacher. we were once thought to be mythical creatures, like the unicorn. but i teach math as well. hope that doesn’t lessen my value in your eyes. and yes, your writing passes.
RYC (the one posted in this entry): I almost cried… partly for the comment, and partly because I know exactly what you mean.
Ewe roc.
PS – I’m giving you this mini, because I actually thought it was a picture of two pieces of meat in a pan, which were being cooked until ‘well done.’ By the time I realized that they were, what I assume are hands, I had already spent hours browsing the Mini Gallery, and I did not have the strength to continue. Please accept my compliments as I put my (apparently meaty) paws together, in honor of your coolness.
PSS – (or is it PPS… no… ) Upon further reflection, I realize that there is probably someone out there who is just about to misinterpret my gift of undercooked meat hands into some sort of xanga-xexual-haraxxment. Let me state for the record that I am gay, and therefore, would never think of haraxxing you with any sort of meat, undercooked or otherwise.
Thank you.
Can’t leave any witty comments behind on an empty stomach .. write more later … meanwhile have a mini
PSSS – Someone beat me to the meat hands. Now I’m embarrassed. Do I re-mini? What is proper Xangettiquite? Also, is someone going to start thinking I’m a stalker if I leave any more post script script script scripts? Now I’m beginning to re-think this whole comment business… where’s the back button…
Hahahah…your proficiency as a “writer” keeps getting better. I was rolling with the horse bit. =P
@danlang - I can’t find any words to express how profoundly impressed I am by your analytical skills other than OMG! You’re amazing! You interpreted two clapping hands as pieces of cooking meat, and your version still fit in with the “well done” message! I hope this doesn’t sound sarcastic because it’s isn’t supposed to be at all. I am really, really impressed!! Will you marry me?!
Unfortunately, all of my supervisors and managers write precisely like your comment specimen. *sigh*
YES comments keep writers motivated. I wish more people would learn that, and leave comments on the blogs the witness, instead of just a footprint. Along with the people who use horrid grammar.
I am full *burp* and to start it off, it is ironic that I am leaving comments on the your leaving-comments-properly blog because I may make a spelling or grammatical mistake somewhere on this comment and be made an example of, ironically, in your third lesson on “WTF is wrong with you morons … can’t you spell or form a complete grammatically correct sentence even after I wrote about it ??!?!?!”. It is, of course, followed by an mspaint picture depicting my violent and gory demise vis a vis a rubber hose packed with double-aught buckshot.
I do realize the more I write, the more likely it is I will commit such an error in one form or another but somehow I can’t stop typing, can’t stop poking a stick at an obviously violent and possibly sociopathic individual and can’t stop tempting the fate that I so justly(?) deserve.
I am, after all, just a reader.
@Digital_K_OS - As a Reader, you have a lot of power over what I write! I pretty much am at your mercy, and if you hate my stuff I’ll end up losing your support. That is totally unacceptable for me, which is why I must keep sharp so as to keep all Readers happy!
As for comments–I don’t require perfection. I can let spelling and grammar errors slide. My only problem is when people misspell a word so much that the opinion ends up being a joke. You’d think he would have been able to spell “haters” correctly…
I hope you weren’t offended. *cry* I wasn’t trying to insult my own Readers.
Your writing is witty and easy on my eyes. I am definitely in the “Reader” group, so please keep on writing. Maybe your newest campaign should be to offset the balance of bad writers (and there is such a thing as a bad writer) in the Xanga universe with great (good is okay too) writing?
You rock!
I’m more in the category of writer/reader, or is that reader/writer? I enjoy both. I only enjoy the posts that actually keep me reading past the first paragraph. Which means that there NEEDS to be more than one paragraph. I hate those huge one paragraphers (?), and I can’t even make my eyes focus. I find that I make more paragraphs than I really need to when I do write. Well, when I write something interesting anyway.
(you can see my post on February 26…about the need to write witty prose….)
I used to be a fairly decent writer. Then I had kids. And my brain got fried. (or maybe I was like that before and was just delusional)
And here’s yet another paragraph to say that I apologize for the book that I’m writing. It’s late and I tend to ramble when I’m tired!
inmate style from a clydesdale? sounds a little too kinky kelly and the sexy stud (kelly can be a guy’s name too!).. ok creepy i will save for something expensive to impress u with
Entertainig post as always!
I’d say :”Speak english, your american”
this is my second attempt at commenting on this entry. i hope this works.
i must say, you are AWESOME. you’re consistently hilarious and i also like the fact that you’re self-deprecating, which makes me lean towards you being a dude in real life (b/c i have never met a girl who’s as funny as you are in my lifetime). maybe i just know a crapload of boring girls who take themselves a little too seriously?
anyway, that’s neither here nor there. i do want to agree with you that if you can’t spell worth crap to the point that i have to make various assumptions to understand what you’re trying to say, that’s what your opinion becomes… crap. keep up with your kick-ass entries and my only wish is that you would write more often.
New subscriber here!
I like how you have a knack for writing witty posts, they’re hilarious =D
So is your need for grammar/spelling perfection.
a budweiser fan. love it!
Mannnn. I HATE it when people are HATTERS.
your prose is absolutely amazing – genius, pure genius!
Your version of a “Xanga/ slang grammer” lesson as a third post, of your “Proper Blogging” series, would be amazing.
Amazing, I tell you… … and you have a litter of kittens.
you still use this?!?!?! =) thats if you even remember who i am =p
I feel stupid now.
I don’t like it when people tYpE LiKe tHiS.
I’ve seen so many comments that I can’t even read because the grammar is so bad. I honestly have no idea what they said and I wonder how they function in daily life or how they’ve made it through whatever level of school they have completed. Speaking of comments, your comments box hates me and always shows up really weird.
I’m not sure if i should be entertained by this entry, the quoted comment, the thought of such comments, or horrified by the thought/possibility that someone somewhere out there is happily preparing some horses for you.
…
A quick table for Ctrl+F’ing the comments (excluding this one) on entertain vs horse vs happy:
entertain: 1
horse: 3
happy: 1
Oddly enough you’re the only one to mention happy–even in your own comments.
I would try to expand upon that data to get some sort of probability of someone preparing Budweiser horses after coming across this entry… but as far as scientific processes go I’m afraid you’re ahead of the game. Even if I wasn’t short on cats I love carrots. This just isn’t going to work.
Nevertheless if you’re in a rut with your writing just mention horses several times and I’m sure you’ll earn the favor of new and old bloggers/readers/commenters/stalkers/horse-owners alike.
@greenray -
Lol, I’m a proud(?) owner of a “YOUR RETARDED” t-shirt. D:
You can tell by the faces who gets it… or rather how they received it. fun.
(Hopefully wearing this short wonn’t mean I’m going to end up being a retard under the possession of someone?? Totally worth the risk though.)
@versatil -
short = shirt*
=( … I’m now picturing wearing shorts with that text, albeit over my head instead of.. well yeah.
Interesting. First, I truly think I am both a writer and a reader. This of course indicates that a) I have no backbone and cannot offend friends by refusing to read their terrible blogs, and b) I have no time for anything but xanga, i.e. I have no life. *tear*
Second, I too am a grammar whore, but typically I type my comments in all lowercase, occasionally using some of my instant messaging abbreviations. This is almost necessary in some cases though, because if I took the time to care about my comments as much as my posts, I’d really have no life, possibly negative life.
Third, I’d say what I like most about your posts is the satire. Very funny stuff, but smart funny – meaning that if you chose to write something serious, it’d probably be just as good. Anyway, I’ll keep your sensitivity to crappy spelling and grammar in mind when commenting on your site in the future, and may your eyes heal from that monstrous example you posted above.
Ah, now I am no longer lost in life. I know who I am, I am a reader, not a writer. Thank You for helping on the path of life.
Anyways so will you hate me if I have horrible grammar and spelling? (My little sister can spell better then me.) There seems to be no hope for me because I’m going to college next year and we won’t learn about grammar or have spelling tests up there. Also the “Hooked On Phonics” method won’t work for me because I am a poor highschool student with no money to spare for higher education. The xanga community will forever look down upon me! =[
Well maybe that was a bit too dramatic.
After seeing that comment, I’m not entirely sure it’s the
work of an illiterate. It could be a very well crafted secret message that’s
hiding in plain sight! Let’s take a closer look at this message…. To all the hatters
out there…Now instead of being a misspelling of the word “haters”,
this person could be in fact addressing his message to “hatters”. Now that begs
the question why those who manufacture hats would be the target of this
message. This person could very well be a disgruntled hatter lashing out at his
fellow hatters. Another possibility is the writer is referring to a group of
folks known as the “White Hats”, a group of people opposed to abuse of computer
systems. There is also a group of folks known as the “Black Hats”, whose goals
are just the opposite to those of the White Hats. So the question is which
group is he directing his message to, which is revealed by continuing to read
the message…that are happy that
Yao is outNow rather than the basketball player, Yao is also noted as
a legendary emperor of China (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/Yao).
This could be a euphemism referring to a leader of a communist country. Let’s see… can any leaders of communist
countries be noted as recently being “out”? Yes….Castro! The plot thickens! If
this is the case, this also indicates that the message is for the White Hats,
who are more inclined to celebrate Castro’s departure from power than the Black
Hats. well that proves
that you where scared of the RocketsThe writer is talking to folks located in an area where they
are “scared of the Rockets”. This
statement also lends credence to the Castro theory as Rockets can also be
referred to as Missiles. Missiles, is in The Cuban Missile Crisis! The USA was
afraid of the “Rockets” in Cuba back in the 60’s. The reader is referring to
the White Hats that reside in the US! Ah, the pieces are all finally starting
to fall into place…and know that we
where the best team in the westThis must be a reference to the writer and his group being
located in Cuba, touting them as a force to be reckoned with. We are going to miss
Yao, but we will make it far this year.The writer is stating that Cuba will continue to thrive
without Castro at the helm.The extra analysis shows that either the writer is either a
dim grammatical reject, or a highly intelligent writer capable of crafting
encrypted messages designed to taunt America hidden in an arena where its true
meaning is easily overlooked. Either way you look at it, it spells bad news for
the US (United States, not to be confused with “we”).
@SoullFire - I know I already posted a response to this on your site but I don’t think that is enough for such an incredible analysis. However, I am having trouble finding words to articulate myself because I am still speechless over your thought process! How were you able to deduce all that?!
@absolutangel64 -
I just put the mystery statement into the Batputer and out came all these possibilities. =) Ti see that you landed on the likely culprit, The Riddler, without use of such equipment tells you you are razor sharp as well…impressive!
Seeing from your Valentines entry that you are quite the discriminating woman, I figured I needed to show you that I was up to the challenge of the competition as well as reveal that there’s another side to SoullFire beyond the financial blogs. <3
O_O
Phonics is awesome, I mean totally awesome, freaking slam dunkin’ awseom.
just did that to annoy you.