March 8, 2008
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Fake Memoir People
When I was 5 years old, I watched my neighbor's sister's friend's cousin's classmate's friend's acquaintance get trampled by an angry elephant. The experience was so traumatic that it prompted me to write a few sentences which will eventually go into my memoir--probably in the chapter where I talk about the time I flew into space in a cardboard box. I hope my story will help me make millions of dollars and give people advice on how to visit Saturn in a hobo's bedroom, or what to do when they watch someone get owned by an angry elephant.
Of course none of that stuff is true, but you no longer need to base a memoir--which is "an account of the author's personal experiences"--on personal experiences. Just ask James Frey (fake hardcore criminal), Laura Albert (fake tranny), Misha Defonseca (fake Holocaust survivor), and Margaret B. Jones (fake Bloods member). Fake memoirs are hot! Real ones are not!
No matter how lame these losers are, you have to give them credit for realizing that their lives were not worth writing about unless they included fantastic embellishments. If Mischa Defonseca wrote about being a Belgian Catholic whose parents were resistance fighters, i.e., her true life story, I'd be all like, "ew, yawn snooze!" Lucky for me, she instead wrote about her experiences as a Jewish Holocaust survivor who was adopted by a pack of wolves--much more entertaining stuff, and apparently highly believable because her "autobiography" has been translated into 18 different languages and made into a movie. Oh yeah, and she won $22.5 million dollars in damages after she sued her publisher for--get this--"willfully and knowingly [engaging] in unfair and deceptive acts and practices"! Talk about getting bit in the ass! Not only did the publisher find it realistic that this woman was roaming around with "friendly" wolves, it also has to pay her for such a stupid story! The woman's got balls of titanium! Where do I sign up for her fan club?
Just last week Margaret B. Jones, who wrote a book on her life as a drug dealer for the Bloods, admitted that she has zero street cred. She claimed to have grown up in the ghetto--when in reality, she was a Valley girl who was brought up by her wealthy, biological parents and attended some upscale private school. Now I might be wrong, but I don't think living in Sherman Oaks is the same as living in South Central L.A. But that's a non-issue; the real issue is: what the f*ck was she doing lying about being in the Bloods? You should not mess with gangs, people, just like you should not mess with elderly drivers, stressed out law school students, or people with explosive diarrhea. Definitely avoid the explosive diarrhea group because we will stomp you if you get between us and a toilet.
I wonder why these authors couldn't just call their fiction "fiction." Does it look bad if you write fiction? Is there a stigma? Do nonfiction writers get VIP rooms in strip clubs or something?
Or maybe the fake memoir people are like me, who sometimes get "fiction" and "nonfiction" confused--like the time I referenced "Jurassic Park" in my report on dinosaurs. I should have gotten an A on that one. It's not like anyone could prove velociprators didn't attack slow moving tour vehicles during the Cretaceous Period.
Comments (27)
Haha. I actually felt bad reading the first paragraph. Nice writing stlye, very engaging
It's the little things that make your posts enjoyable. I chuckled at the way you group explosive diarrhea in with gangs and stressed out law students. If you cited it I'm in total agreement- Jurassic Park is a credible source for a dinosaur report give it an A for creativity if nothing else .
First!
heh.
You're right, what's up with these fakey mcfakersons? Why not just call it fiction and embellish it even more radically?
HAHA wow, I didn't know she sued her publisher - that is AMAZING.
You rock. Fake memoirs are weird.
"A Million Little Pieces" was incredibly embellished, but still a good read.
And you're so right about Jurassic Park.
So, here's a cookie.
I almost used the meat hands again. haha.
lol, i wonder how believable it would be if i wrote a fake memoir on what it was like being a single mother.
Ha ha ha ha why would a Jew trust a wolf anyway, they look exactly like German shepards to me and everybody knows that those are Nazi dogs. So are dobermans and rottweilers which is why there is something rottweiler in the State of Denmark (they have forgotten that they are Aryans.)
RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFFRUFFF RUFFRUFFRUFFFF!!!!!!!
i'll answer the question... absolutangel64... you want answers?... you want ANSWERS?? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!...
[the preceding lines may or may not have been plagiarized]
You're right! Shame on them. Tsk Tsk.
Great post! :]
like omg.. real is like so last season... Fake is the new real people!
annnd haaaahahaeffingha.. to explosive diarrhea.. and way to include yourself in the group
Lastly, there are absolutely know known survivors, or eyewitness accounts that the velociraptors didn't attack jeeps back then, so how could the teacher dock you.. *shakes head* racism i tell you.. dino-racism even... *scoff*
..makes me sick.
The reason is everyone is convinced everyone else is living a more exciting and fulfilling life than they are coupled with the voyeuristic thrill of reading about someone's messed up life. Fiction is just not as exciting since the reader starts with the premise that what he/she is reading is a product of someone's imagination .... it's just not the same as living vicariously through another person's life.
This is a peculiar phenomenon where the author insists his/her life is boring, stale and uninteresting to the reader ... makes up a fantastic tale about the author's life of drugs or gangs or surviving the holocaust ... but the resulting bestseller about the lie somehow justifies the author's choice to lie to the public. Every person who bought the book, read it, believed the story and enjoyed the tale justifies the lies ... yeah the readers were lied to but you the reader chose to accept the lie no matter how fantastic it seems rather than read critically and question the entire premise of the story.
If people are mad .. it's simply because they felt they were made a fool out of, not because the story was a lie ...
rolling on the floor laughing, this is hilarious!! this is like ID theft for the educated and the nerds
what if you lead a fake life? would your memoir still be considered fiction?
I'm Belgian
, we're boring. If you had to live here, you'd understand why a life in a wolves pack is way more interesting.
i think it's plainly and simply fun reading your blog. this entry is an example.
I wouldn't be as nice to call these folks "fake memoir people", but rather be more direct and to the point with branding them as liars and deceivers.
The one winning a multi million settlement from the publisher despite such fakery makes my head spin. She should be paid out in monopoly money. Who was her lawyer? That's the one I want to hire if you're not available.
Shame of the reporters, reviewers and publishers for not doing due diligence in their fact checking in the pursuit of the almighty buck. Now If I were an enterprising lawyer, I'd be thinking class action lawsuits against the authors and publishers for these false documents on behalf of the duped readers who wasted both their money and time.
i think you've through and through ruined the xanga experience for me. now everytime i sit down and think about writing, i am reminded of decent writers (like yourself) out there, which pretty much invalidates anything i could write.
I'm not sure why these guys couldn't just say they were writing fictional tales instead of claiming they were writing memoirs. I read "A Million Little Pieces" (before it was found out to be a fraud) and I think it could have been sold as a fiction book and still have been successful. Maybe these "authors" just think that if they have a wild Memoir story to tell, they would be more likely to get published than if they were trying to break into the fiction world.
Clearly, I need to work on my sarcasm (my apology, I am used to people knowing when I joke, and obviously, you don't know me that well yet)...and possibly my communication skills as well. Heh, I am not actually upset nor offended in any way. If anything, I am thoroughly amused by your entries. The underlying message of my comment is that you are a decent, if not good, writer. I was supposed to put a :-p at the end of my comment, but I forgot. In any event, there you have it. You are an awesome Xanga writer, as you had intended to be.
P.S. If I was really offended and gave you some unreasonable demand (i.e. deletion of an entry), would you really have listened?
Stressed out law students.. haha reminds me of the times of finals and labs and screaming at a guy driving by boalt law school bc he almost hit me.
RYC: Keith R.'s skin is so nasty and leathery, I can't look at LV goods the same anymore.
My high school history teacher was James Frey's brother, but that was before the scandal came out. Part of me really doesn't trust that teacher now, and I wonder if everything he told us was a lie (was the Civil War really in the 1860s?), since he didn't tell us that they weren't real memoirs either.
But really, most people's lives aren't interesting enough to make books out of, so I'm not surprised a lot of "memoirs" end up being fake. And I do think publishers probably do put pressure on these authors to say it's a memoir because that makes it more of a package in a sense - you're not just getting a book, you're getting a human being (and in the case of Margaret B. Jones, a fake non-profit organization that helps reform gang members). You would think they would learn by now though that the truth always comes out. Do they really think people aren't going to come forward and say "actually she's Catholic and was in no way a prisoner to the nazis"?
RYC: I don't think anything happened to James Frey's brother. He's still a teacher at my school as far as I know. He was probably a little bit embarrassed by the whole situation (especially when Oprah practically kicked James Frey's ass on national TV), but I don't think his brother was really affected in any other way.
We live in a fast paced world right now. Everyone wants everything right now. From food to entertainment to success. People's real experiences don't sell because it is real life, and alot of times, real life isn't as exciting as a made up story. When it isn't real, then what limitations are you placing on yourself? There are none, cause anything is possible in imaginary land! Just try to make it believable. Hmmm if they are making millions for that, maybe I should think about writing a book about being raised by Feriocious, carnivorious squirrels!
As I'm reading this, my husband has The Biggest Loser on, and there's SO much drama....so it's interesting comparing the reality tv and the drama....there should be a show called The Big Merger!
I was reluctant to leave a comment after reading the first paragraph. (Elephant tramplings are a touchy subject.) Now I'd like to reserve a copy of your memoir. I aM nOt A hAtTer
My autobiography is going to be a pop-up book
The stressed out law student phrase is so true. Mom has had her head bitten off so many times because she has bothered me during a Contracts analysis. To amend that phrase, "You should not mess with law students, on Contracts, approaching midterms.