July 24, 2008
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The superficial portion of society (i.e., 100% of it) seems to harbor a common ideology about boobs ("Boobieology"): the bigger they are, the better. And as long as a woman's rack conforms to this standard, it does not matter if her breasts are Blessedly Beautiful or Silicone Sexy. They could probably even be inflated with bags of beef stew and still be appealing--more so if the implants were filled with "Dinty Moore". Can you imagine how great the world would be if that were an option? I'd totally get myself some double-D's, and have two extra boobs implanted next to them. Then I'd have four beef stew breasts! That's not just awesome, that's awesome4.
Anyway, when viewed according to society's Boobieology, my chest would probably be considered pretty pathetic. I wear a 32 B, which is not much considering the bounty of larger sizes plastic surgery has to offer. But I don't care simply because as a 5'6", 110 pound, Asian woman, my body is only built for 32 B's; anything more would just make me grossly disproportionate. In other words, when viewed as an entire person, my chest--pathetic as it may be--starts to look pretty damn good. So screw you, Boobieology!
...And if you disagree, you can go eat a dick! You're probably someone who paid money for mutant mammaries anyway (I sense a new "X-Men" character!).
Let's not take this out of context though: I've got nothing against implants. I watched Howard Stern's show back when it was airing on "E!," and the women who would try to win free boob jobs had abnormally small breasts--to the point where if you showed someone a picture of a contestant's chests and a picture of a prepubescent boy's chest, they wouldn't be able to tell which one was female. In other words, these chicks had negative boobage.
What I am against is when girls with bodies that are perfectly suited for gently-sloping hills instead opt for massive mountain ranges. How is having a proportionate body with proportionate breasts be a bad thing? If you've got the figure for an A, you're going to look hot with the A. But if you decide to move to a B or C, you stop looking hot and start looking more like a hot mess that was conceived in a toxic waste dump. At that point, you might as well go all the way and have your plastic surgeon transform you into Blanka from "Street Fighter." I so cannot be the only person out there who thinks this.
However, to be fair, I've never been in any position to augment my chesticles, and maybe my negativity stems from my ignorance. My guy friends always tell me to stick with what I've got because fake boobs have a weirdness about them that actually turns them off. They admit they used to find them mesmerizing--having also been followers of Boobieology--but that changed when they actually had the chance to feel a pair. And whatever it was they experienced was enough to make them say "no" to the unnatural.
(Question: do any other guys feel this way?)
But I am the exact opposite of my guy friends: I don't think very highly of plastic boobs even though I haven't had the opportunity to test them out. Thus, there is a possibility that my opinions could change if I squeezed a few chemical casaba melons. So...any fine ladies feel like getting felt up? I promise to be gentle.
(But seriously...what do fake breasts feel like?)
Because I don't have much of a conclusion, allow me to end with the story that started it all...
I try not to go out whenever I am home for the summer because there is a very, very good chance I'll run into a few of my high school classmates. It's always awkward and uncomfortable because I haven't really seen them in 8 years, and having to act cordial towards people who thought they were too popular to acknowledge me really puts a strain on my already sub-par acting skills. Oh, I get it: you were better than me when you were on the varsity football team and I was just some lowly nerd taking AP classes. But now that you're a professional gas-pumper and I'm working on my JD, we're equals! Thanks...
Unfortunately, my desire for Cinnabons was too great and I wound up exposing myself to "Threat Level: Classmate" when I went to the mall recently. And, sure enough, I ran into one of the class skanks taking a smoke break right next to the Cinnabon store. We did the "hi, how are you?" routine...I think. I'm not really sure because I was totally distracted by her huge boobs--and by "huge," I mean "elephant tits." But that's what they looked like, people. This girl is about 4'3", maybe weighs about 100 pounds, and has boobs that are almost as big as her own head. At some point, I bet I started talking to one of her breasts because I got it confused with her face.
And then Giant Jugs said, "Yeah, I got new boobs. I had to, though, because of a deviated septum."
...Okay...
Comments (64)
because boobs and deviated septums have oh so much in common
If according to this ideology B is pathetic, an A must be positively pitiful and I might have to expect to eventually become a cat lady.
Yeah, when I meet people I haven't seen in a while, my eyes subconsciously move to their breasts to see if they'd grown.
I've never felt a fake breast. I'd like to though, perhaps I can lay aside my prejudices about them once I find out what they are all about.
and now you got me craving Cinnabons, thanks a lot.
Anything more than a handful is a waste. I hear the saline implants are more natural feeling than the silicone, but I've not felt either.
As to the deviated septum, I can only imagine that falling face down constantly and needing some form of "cushioning" would be my only grab in dark on this one.
Ummm deviated septum might require some sort of chest surgery to correct just not the kind that involves breast implantations =P.
I honestly have no opinions on breast implants because in the end, it is more about raising the girl's self-esteem than anything else. If she is happy with her new boobs and they make her feel better about herself then I think it's worth it.
i like boobs
Ahahahahahhahahahaaa!!!
Hey, I have a deviated septum.
fake boobs suck. also, it's not just the size... the quality of the skin, suppleness, the bounciness all play a role in how sexy a boob is. also, the right clothes also accentuates it.
Oh please. I have 34A's. And that's only because I gained weight. If I started working out again, I'd turn into Kate Hudson.
And you shouldn't be afraid at all of running into old classmates. People change. And even if they haven't... well, at least *you* have, and for the better.
also, boobs aren't everything, there's so many factors to sexiness. it's just one of the ingredients.
Man... you must be lucky to have a hot body hahaha unfortunately, i am not so gifted -- i, the bearer of train-track boobies! actually, i was thinking of getting boob implants until my friend who got them said that they make you really cold in the winter.
she got them because her self esteem was really really really really really suffering. Her boobs were like... inverted train-tracks. it did make her feel better about herself though, at the end.
even if guys go "oh, boobs aren't all there is to it", you know they're just saying it and that it really is a big portion of the hotness pie. But you're right -- it is about proportion, and natural always pwns artificial.
Though I'm in your camp because I've never actually felt a pair of fake breastesses, I think I can't respect a girl as much if a plastic surgery would boost her self-esteem. And I'm not talking about the people with horribly disfigured body parts, but the ones who get it done because they're just not satisfied with their natural appearance.
I've had the pleasure of fondling many petite girls and I've also had an incredibly stacked pair at my palms. Therefore I think I'm qualified when I say size matters less than the overall aesthetic of the boobage.
This post was awesome to the fifth. *clink clink*
crazy silicon myths.... i heard you can do tricks with fake boobies, like set them on fire and have people chew on them cause they dont feel a thing... sux for them..
fake boobs feel terrible like you have rocksolid tumors inside your chest! Plus they make you look like Frankenstein.
mammaries are all about form- viscosity and shape
boobs jobs can vary as greatly as sex. depending on the equipment, the procedure, the motion of the ocean, etc.. the results will vary.
I've felt fake boobs that I could use as punching bags
I've also felt fake boobs that I could use as a pillow to take me away into heavenly bliss, never to be heard from again.
these also hurt my nose a lot less when I Motorboat them.
what was i talking about again?
haha deviated septum
I'm happy with my boobs 
I like being porportional to t he rest of mybody. Although I do enjoy bigger boobs if i'm wearing swimsuits. The Swimsuit tends to push down on your boobs making your boobs look smaller than it really is.
I can't stand gigantoid boobs. They interfere with the physical exam.
natural boobs ftw!
I am not a professional, but I unfortunately have felt my fair share of fake boobage. I can say, I am not a fan. I am a leg and ass guy...love it to death. I don't care about the rack as long as the girl has larger boobs than I. Then again, I have D cups...for Dude.
hell no to fake hard balloon boobs... natural perky boobies ftw!!!
haha... deviated septum.. what else will they come up with next?
it's all about being properly proportioned. i'd choose natural over fake anyday.
the end....WHHHAAAAAAAAATT !?
I don't know how fake boobs feel, so I have a biased opinion.
Wow, it looks like everyone favors natural boobs. I think you should do a vote between fake boobs vs female man boobs. See what the male audience agrees on and if they stand to their words.
wtf is a deviated septum?
Great point, friend. I'll remember that, for it's good advice. LOL. Keep up the good writing!
S.C.
Fake boobs look nice, but the feeling is not consistent and so it's kinda of a let down, but then you remember your grabbing boobs and it make you smile. I prefer a smaller natural boobs, over gigantosaurs chestits.
I can't say I'm a fan of augmenting anything that your parents gave you. Unless you had to have something cut off, I don't really see the need for it. In the case of boobs, au naturale, and at a proportional size at that.
elephant tits ahahahahahaha
btw, nice pic for Yosho's contest
she didn't need to get them disproportionately large
everybody around me says this is pretty funny! what do they care? huh?
I thought I was the only person that used the word "chesticle."
Back my high school locker room days, I used to tease my rather flat best friend:
"Shouldn't you be wearing your bra inside out?"
hahahah ashley titsdale
oops i meant tisdale
your posts never fail to please..
I've only had the pleasure getting up close and personal with the 32b range of boobiss.. but yea.. I like them, verily. Legs and ass all day hands down over boobs though.. I've got nothing against bigger boobs.. but I just don't subscribe to teh boobieology school of thinking.
Proportionate living wins.
Also, I've never had a cinnabon before.. is that bad?
Fake breasts only looks good with cloths on.
@WomanOfLight - LOL.
"... gently-sloping hills instead opt for massive mountain ranges..." I like the way you write.
Boobs... Seems like most Asian girls I see are As and Bs. If they've got something bigger that's the first thing people whisper about -- "You think her boobs are real?" ;P
I like the natural look. Big 'uns are nice, if they match the bearer, Lol.
thats not fair to those who have a genetically big chest, such as myself. I have been teased about them ever since elementary school when they started growing. I'm 5' and a 34D. yeah, NOT PROPORTIONATE and people probably talk to them more so than to my face.
As a man, I think boobs are great, I've no idea why, but I do, they're almost hypnotic, but, I know exactly what you're saying. For me though, there's something about fake ones that just don't appeal. You see, I've never touched one, but it's the half a football (Soccerball to most here I suspect) effect that I dislike. They often don't look propotionate to the figure, and a lot of the time they have nipples like Marty Feldman's eyes (*tips Hat to the memory of Marty, a comedy hero of mine).
Some people get them because they believe they are needed, for confidence or because they feel under endowed, which is fair, everyone has the right to feel happy with their body. One of my mates had a reduction because they were that large they gave her back ache, she had the reduction, back ache stopped, job's a good'en.
32B isn't pathetic either, as your male friends say, be happy with what you have. If they go with your figure, spot on!
and to quote dnuwin 'Natural boobs ftw!!!'. Couldn't have put it better myself.
Itchy
I burst out laughing. With classmates like that, I'd stay home too.
re your questoin: I agree. Fake boobs have a weirdness about them that actually turns me off. Big boobs are like flashing lights. They get your attention and they distract you, but that's not beauty.
If it's properly portioned I think it's alright! I'm only 5'3", and I'm a 36A!
As long as I don't grow any taller, or any wider..for that matter LOL .. I'm okay!
superficial fake things are never anything to die for.........end of the day its FAKE!
Will you be my best friend? I love your sense of humor! It's somewhat like mine. I myself have A something what-nots, and I have never cared. Actually, it's wonderful because I never have to worry if a guy likes me for my boobs, although if he did I guess that's not the worst of worlds but it would be a little weird. Anyway, your post is seriously hilarious and I relate to it so well. I especially love the street fighter reference. And I'm glad you gave one reason why you should get plastic surgery, although I still don't think I would even if my breasts were non-existent, I mean they practically are. Besides a lot of women have to get breast reductions because they are too large, or something weird like two completely different sizes! But really, if you got to chose between a pair of boobs and a car? Or a house? Or even an adopted baby? A year off to explore the entire world? Man, you could do so many better things with your money then boobs, I mean, how long can that really entertain you? Do I really want to know...
This has probably been said, but since I didn't read all the comments, I might be repeating. So anyway, I googled 'deviated septum' and it has to do with the NOSE. So duh to her. No wonder she's smoking and working at a fast/fat food joint.
It's funny that you mention fake boobs.....I was on a bulletin board recently for weight lifters/body builders and some of the girls were talking about if they should or shouldn't get some fake ones. One of them posted a link to a boob job page and I found some interesting pictures---some were of girls that had some serious lackage of boobies.
click here to see some teenage boy chesticles... ha ha, just kidding.
Oh, I just saw a pic on there of a chick that had a reduction. Sad, really, since if she went on a dieting/weight training/cardio regimine, she'd shrink them down and not have a problem and it would be cheaper.
My boobs are huge, but hey, they're natural! Haha. And, I feel they suit my body, just because I've had them since puberty and I think it's proportionate to the rest of my body -- I'm not skinny all over, I'm naturally curvacious.
Speaking of your huge-boobed friend: there was this girl that I heard about at my old job -- they said she was like 4 foot, 90 pounds, with boobs bigger than mine. I was like whooaaa. I think that's nuts. Each person, I think, has to work with what they got. You're right, I'm sure your size looks just fine on you because it's proportionate to the rest of your body. Bigger boobs don't always equal a better looking person. Sometimes elephant tits are just gross ...
It's like those models that are super skinny with huge butts. I don't think that's hot at all, but then again, I'm a girl, so hell, who knows. In fact, I find it quite disgusting. And, I'm not just saying that to hate. I just think it looks ridiculously disproportionate and weird.
It's all about proper proportion. It's clear that some women never attended the economic class when the the subject of "Point of diminishing returns" was discussed.
I put a picture of new boobies at the end of each of my posts and they're all pretty small. Why? Because small boobs are the sexy and even more to the point, they're the sexy. Repetitive repetition reinforces! But seriously, the era of monstrous, plastic mountain ranges is coming to an end, and I'm here to tell you that I'd rather climb a B Cup than a D any day.
Ps, you write saucily!
what ...does a devia...nevermind.
I would totally date a female Blanka.
Lol! u never fail to amuse..
I agree with the proportion thing. I'm happy with what I've got too because I keep hearing from women who have bigger boobs that they do get backaches from time to time.
Speaking of boobs, where I come from, most shops that sell bras will usually have the A & B cups available with abit (or alot, depending on the effect u want) of padding. That's because they know we're Asians and well, the majority of our women don't possess the stereotyped "Western" Double-D boobs. I think it's alright though, because sometimes a tight top or dress could press onto your boobs and make them seem smaller than they really are and so the padding helps. Plus, the bit of padding hides the "headlights" and the bra functions to sort of keep things in place or give shape (which is what T-shirt bras do).
Anyway, I also believe that boob size can change as time goes by. My mom used to be an A when she first got married. Then after having kids and whatnot, she's now a curvaceous D. Hmmm.. wonder if the same boob genes were passed onto me...
-iReNe-
I have to feel them to know how they are...
We can setup an appointment, I am pretty free.
Hehe. Your xanga is so funny.
Personally, I like proportion. A girl who's five feet tall, and has DD boobs just isn't sexy. It's gross.
L-O-FUCKING-L.
Yeah, fake boobs feel so much...you know, ugly. They're kinda like you're grabbing basketballs. And it wouldn't matter if they're big or not, I'm a butt-e-ologist myself. =)
omg. i was dying when i read this entry. i love it.
as for fake boobs, a few of my friends got them done. they feel really jiggly like... water balloons????
I have a friend who was talking to another woman about large breasts. My friends said she could tell whether large breasts were fake or not. The other lady, a fake boob proponent, disagreed and asked how. My friend said ask her if she likes them and she says yes then they are fake.
Another person I know was teased mercilessly in early high school because she was flat as a pancake. All of a sudden in 10th grade she got mondo boobs out of nowhere. She was still tiny with a big chest. They're real. And they often hurt her back. While flat and sad she would pray for boobs. I think her prayers worked a little too well.
Proportion is very important. As a guy, i agree with you. It probably helps that I am also not a "boob man."
However, what is more important than size to me is shape. To be honest, the whole "wet sock hanging from the chest" look really does nothing for me. Wait no, it does do something for me. It makes me want to close my eyes and wish she would put her shirt back on. Let's face it. some women have really saggy flappy boobs. In these cases where boobs become a bit repulsing, I think it is something they should consider. Not for the size increase, but to reshape the boobs.