November 14, 2008

• Behold, the product of a truly genius mind:

  

  (Okay, so it looks more like a mallet than a hammer...but whatever...)

  The world would be a much better place if we had Wiggidy-Wack Hammers available for us to use whenever we really need to beat someone down for being wiggidy-wack. A regular hammer just does not cut it because people tend to presume you are committing criminal assault if they see you hammering at someone's face. But with a Wiggidy-Wack Hammer, everyone will know you're bludgeoning someone for a good reason.

  I came up with this awesomely awesome tool of awesomeness while I was taking the Multistate Professional Responsibility Examination, better known as the MPRE, last Saturday. It was bad enough that I had a freaking test at 9:00 in the morning, but I was also stuck taking it with a wiggidy-wack asshole.

  If you have ever taken a standardized test, then this should look familiar to you:

  

  Ah yes, the Scantron form. It’s quite the pain-in-the-ass, isn’t it? Especially if you have a long name and are stuck filling in a bunch of bubbles—what a freaking nightmare. I’ve only got 6 letters in my first name, but filling in a measly 6 ovals has turned out to be a most excruciating experience because of my obsession with staying within the lines.

  Anyway, you can pretty much figure out how the Scantron sheet works just by looking at it: you write in your name or whatever information in the blank boxes, and darken the bubble with the corresponding alphabet letter. As for the blank ovals at the top of the column--it doesn't really take a genius to realize that those are to be filled in if any of the boxes above are left blank. Although the standardized tests I took in the past did not require me to do so, I guess the MPRE wants to stand apart from all the other Scantron-based exams by making their testtakers fill in the blank ovals.

  So the main test proctor read us instructions on how to properly fill in those letterless bubbles--causing a few people to mutter or sigh because it didn't seem necessary to tell us how to do the obvious. We just wanted to hurry and start before anxiety set in. However...

  

  

  

  

  This guy seriously could not figure it out. It was as if he was being asked to conduct open-heart surgery or something. It's a blank oval for blank boxes! Fill them in with your pencil, dumbass! The longer I watched this guy, the more pissed I became; the more pissed I became, the more I wanted to beat him down.

  

  • 8:12 pm
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