November 30, 2008
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In a perfect world, all Big Macs would already have fries in between the buns, and my cats would enjoy taking baths; “Crystal Pepsi” would still exist, and Bahamut would be my mode of transportation. And no one would ever make stupid grammar mistakes–like using “your” and “you’re” interchangeably–because misusing words would be a crime punishable by death. Actually, you know what? That’s the only thing I’ll need in my perfect world, so forget all the other stuff before it.
Putting people on death row for having crappy language skills may seem harsh, but forcing those of us who have worked to attain and maintain our grammar and spelling is worse. What did we ever do to deserve the cruel and unusual punishment of living in a world where people screw up basic words and phrases? Nothing! And yet, we are expected to suffer in silence, with no opportunities for redemption, while certain members of society beat us to death with their nonsense words–a few prime examples being:
I Could Care Less
The phrase “I could care less” is used when someone wants to convey the idea that they really despise something or someone. Unfortunately for the speaker, “I could care less” is not the same as saying “I could not care less,” the difference being that the former has more Care Points than the latter. Thus, if you’re talking about how you hate clowns so much that you “could care less,” you’re basically saying you don’t hate clowns at all. At most, you dislike them because they are scary and make balloon animals that look more like folded dongs, but you definitely do not hate them because you have Care Points to spare.
Being able to tell the difference between “could care less” and “could not care less” is very important, especially when you are talking smack because that is when emphasizing your point really matters. For example: I hate that show “The Hills.” I’ve only managed to sit through one whole episode—which I will never, ever do again because I honestly believe watching that show kills brain cells. That is the only rational explanation for its popularity: killing brain cells enables a person to find “The Hills” entertaining. It definitely has nothing to do with an engaging storyline because all L.C. and her groupies seem to do is go out to restaurants and bars, and complain about how difficult their lives are as a result of going out to restaurants and bars. That’s a pretty weak premise even for a fake reality show. My turd could come up with something better, and it’s a freaking turd.
I do not care at all for “The Hills”—to the point where I could not care less. And if I ever find myself feeling otherwise—i.e., being able to care less—you have my permission to suffocate me in the armpit of that fat guy down in Mexico.
IrregardlessI know what you’re thinking: people don’t actually use “irregardless”! That’s just an urban legend! I can’t blame you for feeling this way for I, too, was once in denial. Back when I was a young and naïve 24 year old, I used to think it was common knowledge that the opposite of “regardless” was “regardful.” I mean, come on! The antonym of “less” is “full”! How is it possible for anyone to screw that up? Even when we’re living in a time where “The Hills” is a popular show, no one is that stupid.
Sadly, I was blinded by my faith in the human race and could not see the truth: there actually are people who are that stupid. These people use “irregardless” in place of “regardless,” and most likely say “regardless” in place of “regardful” or “regarding.” Can you imagine how annoying it would be to talk to someone like that?
“Regardless of my stank body odor, I can’t get a date even if my life depended on it.”
Tell me how that makes sense! Tell me!
Literally
I was reading an article that talked about how this year, children are asking Santa Claus to bring jobs and help their parents pay the bills. One of the mall Santas mentioned how hard it was for him to see young kids worrying about the economy, “I’ve had children just literally tear my heart out.”
Let’s get this out of the way: “literally” means “actually.” If you say something literally happened, you are saying it actually happened. So if Santa had children literally tear his heart out, then he should press charges!
It’s an emphasis thing, I know, but that’s not an excuse for crap-ass vocabulary. Ever heard of “figuratively”? I’m guessing the answer is “no” because otherwise people would be using it instead of misusing “literally.” And people who misuse “literally” should literally be beaten to death with rubber hoses.
Stop manipulating words to make up for your weak language skills! It’s disgusting!
Comments (195)
Regardless of this entry, I literally could care less =P.
Can I live in your perfect world too?
I love this perfect world.
i don’t even know where to start…
that would make a nice value meal for sure: fries IN the big mac, and crystal pepsi. mmmm.
i literally couldn’t care less about clowns. i will never grow out of that.
Love the santa pic. Reminds me of the Temple of Doom. That was always my favorite of the series.
Obama should appoint you as the “Grammar Czar” to ensure the proper use of phrases and spelling.
That said, I would LOVE to hear someone say the following= “I was figuratively in tears!”
To answer your question regarding:
“Regardless of my stank body odor, I can’t get a date even if my life depended on it.”
Tell me how that makes sense! Tell me!
Well, here’s one scenario where it makes perfect sense- you’re assuming that body odor is seen as a negative, but what if it’s not? This person could have developed a strong attraction for a childhood icon we are all familiar with…Oscar the Grouch from Sesame Street. Since he resides in a garbage can, what we call “stank” can be considered his “aromatic fragrance”. Now if this person were trying to score a date from an “Oscar” type of garbage dweller, that statement works just fine.
Also, regarding:
One of the mall Santas talked about how hard it was
for him to see young kids worrying about the economy, “I’ve had
children just literally tear my heart out.”
Now it may sound like he has committed a verbal faux pas, but once again we have to consider the circumstances under which that statement came from.
If could be that this Santa was challenging the kids who sat on his lap to a video game of Mortal Kombat where if the kid beat Santa, he would grant them their wish. Now the kids are so desperate to win because of the plight of their parents, that they not only whup Santa but good, they perform one of those special “fatality” moves to drive the point home. In this case, it would be the “tear the heart out” fatality. One of the other Santa’s may have been quoted as saying they literally had their spine removed….it all depends on the special moves the kids memorized.
See, if you think of it that way, it’s much easier on your blood pressure.
p/s.: using the word “really” as an adjective to highlight what they are expressing or to convey where something ranks on their measuring stick.
i.e.: “the food turned out to be REALLY good!”
as opposed to what? not good? or fictional good? and how good is “really good”? the world, including the tootise pop owl, will never know. *Shrug.
your spot on [sic]. the internet is the antithesis to my years of hooked on phonics.
i always say “I couldn’t care less”
D:
we must unite, and make this imperfect world perfect. i also hate when ppl say would of instead of would’ve, and use to and too interchangeably. ugh.
…people really don’t understand how to use the word ‘literally’? T_T
Amazing.
I love reading rants on this topic, it makes me feel a lot less alone.
When people use cliches or common interjections to sound smart but misuse them, they look so much dumber.
Anyway, here’s one I enjoyed.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/magazine/7733264.stm
Cheers
Lol. Tear out his heart, eh?
i feel like when dating someone, their inability to choose the right there/their/they’re and your/you’re is a dealbreaker. or when people spell lose as loose. lame. yes. i’m a hardass. literally! haha jk.
thank you, im terrible at grammar and word choices. you should blog more on these kind of stuff. Now please explain, when to use “everybody”, “every body”, “everyone”, “every one”, “anything”, “any thing”, etc.
such a tiny heart for such a large man!
Amen! My family thinks I’m the grammar Nazi because I correct them when they say good instead of well (ie “I was dancing really good.”) but I can’t handle how uneducated that makes them sound. They also misuse the word borrow, which makes me want to vomit (for some reason “it’s a Minnesota thing,” at least with my parents’ generation, to say “he borrowed me his book.” *vomits*
Good point, friend!
S.C.
Great post! Of the three points you mentioned, incorrect use of “literally” is what annoys me the most.
My pastor used irregardless today. I cried.
He also used literally emphatically and incorrectly, actually.
Man.
I’m not sure I understand the point on “irregardless”… In fact, I don’t. Please explain it to me in a way I might understand? I always love improving my grammar.
RYC: (From Merriam-Webster) – Irregardless originated in dialectal American speech in the
early 20th century. Its fairly widespread use in speech called it to
the attention of usage commentators as early as 1927. The most
frequently repeated remark about it is that “there is no such word.”
There is such a word, however. It is still used primarily in speech,
although it can be found from time to time in edited prose. Its
reputation has not risen over the years, and it is still a long way
from general acceptance. Use regardless instead.
I’m still laughing. That’s the most unsure description ever.
in a perfect world you would not have to check bottles of shampoo, colongne and toothpaste at security in the airport.
Came over from a couple of recs….that was great. I’m still laughing over it.
I LOVE fries on my hamburger!!! Mmmm. I have yet to see anyone else do it.
The Santa picture reminds me of Temple of Doom. Also, Bahamut travel sounds like a great idea. No problems with traffic there, just unleash some breath weapon.
I feel ya – and I loved your illustration.
Bahamut…that’s frickin great!
HAHAHA!
The Bahamut line is hilarious!
In my world, Shiva would freeze my dick so it would be forever hard and fuckable. I call it “The Eternal Viagra.”
Haha, you have to love those who don’t love their grammar books!
please don’t rip my heart out b/c i don’t know engrish
Tearing the heart out? Mortal Kombat!
Oh don’t get me started. Effect and affect – one’s a noun, the other a verb. Come on people, it’s not that difficult. Unless you’re dyslexic, then you’re excused.
Other examples that piss me off:
- the misuse of whom and who
- “Me and John went to the shops” – ugh, cringe!
- And yes someone’s already mentioned this before: “Would of, should of, could of.”- double cringe!
I enjoy reading your blog. Keep up the good work!
but f Santa said “I had kids figuratively tear my hear out” that doesn’t sound very exciting…LOL but I loved the picture and the little red blood cells flying out is awesome!
I agree completely! I hate when people misuse the “I could/couldn’t care less.”
I haven’t heard of irregardless yet, though. I’ll be on the watch
Haha I’ve been telling my friends this for YEARS. I also hate using “mad” as an adjective. “She was MAD mad!” UGH! Great post.
totally forgot about crystal pepsi!!!
your class has been educational
i think words are to be created and modified as needed as time goes by…
LOL, damn that is funny. My grammar sucks, but I think it is because I am always longing for the return of Crystal Pepsi too.
Awesome post. Irregardless, I’m am going to rec it. I could care less if I’m the only one who literally died laughing. LOL *gets ready to be beaten to death with rubber hoses*
I’ve always thought that about “I could care less”. When people say that I’m like, okay..and it’s really starting to bother me.
I LITERALLY laughed out loud. Thank you!
Actually… “I could care less” can be correct if used in a sarcastic context.
Irregardless… hahahahaha, pretty much screams out ”we don’t need no education”– LITERALLY!
**imagines the word irregardless screaming that….** WOW WHAT A FUNNY WORLD!
I agree that some peopleeeeeeeee could use some help with grammar, but I can’t say because I am horrible at writing.
Your xanga site really hate me… Your comment box seem to have a mind of its own.
Burn me and sink me but ye be very concarned with grammar an’ such. I’ll choke tha life outta yer pitiful carcass wif my bare hands and I mean it literally.
-Mad Preston Skaggs
hahahaha….. I love reading replies in which people fail to write something meaningful. Like mine…. hahaha… Allow me to farther butcher hour English grammatical system. ^____^
I AGREEE!!!!!!!!!!
I had SO many arguments with my ex girlfriend because she kept saying ‘irregardless’. It was like..her favorite word. OH MY GOD!
It drove me MAD!
GOD!
*screams*
I hear almost everyone saying “I could care less,” and I often feel like grabbing them by the shoulders and shaking them as I yell it’s “I couldn’t care less!!”………….lmao
Agreed on all points!
And fries being a part of a Big Mac would be AMAZING!!!
if it were literally possible, i would vote for you. don’t ask what the contest would be, you would just get my vote, regardless.
The “I could care less” thing has always bothered me.
I will join you in this perfect world of yours…as long as there’s Crystal Pepsi as well.
My friend and I were talking about this the other day, and she brought up the could care less point, as well. I don’t use it, but I hadn’t ever given it any thought, either. Except for maybe one time when I was drunk and I realized all the absurdities of this world.
Spelling is the absolute worst for me, though. It makes me insane when people spell really relly or rely or rily or whatever the hell they can come up with. I have people at work call my name and say a word, and I already know they want me to spell it for them. (We work in the email department so most of our communication with customers is via email). And I’m thinking that even some of our canned responses (which I changed everytime) would have perfect spelling and grammar, BUT THEY DON’T!!!! Canceled is a frequent one…which is only correct in England…not the US. And they like finishing a sentence and then beginning the next one with “However,” Um…I learned in freaking HIGH SCHOOL that “however” is an interruptor and only belongs in the MIDDLE of the sentence, not the beginning.
And in many Stephen King books (I love the man, he is a genius, but I just don’t UNDERSTAND this phrase…and I totally believe it fits with your “I could care less” stance) when they’re talking about how something is the only thing that happened, he types out how something “all but” happened. If everything happened except for that one thing that he’s trying to say is the ONLY thing that happened, then maybe he should just take out “all but” and it would be correct. I can’t explain this one correctly without having something as an example. I shall google it….no help there, for all the things I found were using it correctly, in my eyes.
Let me try this:
When a character is explaining about how they got hit by a car, Stephen King would write, “He all but hit me.” Well, I’m thinking if the character is hit by a car, that’s the ONLY thing that happened to her. If I took this phrase literally, it sounds like he took her out to eat, raped her, attempted to kill her, bought her things, introduced her to his family, etc….EVERYTHING except for hitting her. And this just doesn’t make sense to me, when the only thing this particular person did to her was hit her.
Does that even make sense to anyone?
Anyhoo…this was a lot longer than expected but using proper English is a HUGE pet peeve of mine (along with lol). I’m so recommending…
@hopelessromantic@datingish - Oh I hate that too. “Can you borrow me a pen?” My response, “No, YOU’RE borrowing the pen…I can LEND it to you, though!”
The grammar police has struck again!
I’m guilty. =[
haha
.. have you passed your Bahamut driving test yet?
i don’t recall if i ever got to taste crystal pepsi. it was so popular that it was never in stock at the vending machine at school. i think some people were even scalping it if they got their hands on it.
This has to be the funniest thing I’ve read all day! Great post!
AMEN TO THAT!
Oh my God. I absolutely hate it when people say “I could care less.”I went on a mini-rant about it yesterday. haha
Oooh i completely agree with you on all points! Language really fascinates me and English and French were always my best and favourite subjects. As a result, it it’s extremely irritating to me when someone uses improper grammar. I used to correct my parents all the time (they are from Europe and English is not their first language so, even though they’ve been speaking it for over 30 years, they still make many mistakes they aren’t aware of) and my mother would always yell at me and tell me it’s rude to correct people. So, does that mean we should allow people to continue using poor grammar in order to be polite? I THINK NOT!
I especially hate when people use bad grammar and improper punctuation on the internet, especially in blogs. It just makes things really painful to read (for me, at least)!
Also, i had no idea that so many people misuse the word “literally”. I always thought it was a pretty self-explanatory term. The human race never ceases to amaze me.
Fantastic. Thank you for making my day happy, although I literally could care less that people talk poorly!
I like your perfect world xD
mhmm fries
i love when people say : irregardless . haha it drives me nuts .
@PoetMcChick - I totally agree with you on the “all but” thing. It totally does not make sense. It’s pretty sad since (if i remember correctly) Stephen King was an English major in college. There are lots of things he does in his books that annoy me. I own most of his novels, as my mother insisted on buying them for me for birthdays and holidays, but have only managed to get through 5 or 6 completely. It amazes me that he can get away with that stuff. He must have an idiot for an editor…or on editor who really doesn’t care. *sigh*
Love it. Thank you for bashing “the Hills” in the process of sending a very important message =)
Ugh. This reminds me of how my friend constantly misuses the word “ambiguous”.
“My hair is ambiguous! The weather is ambiguous! Blah, blah, blah!”
I literally want to strangle her.
my roommate uses “irregardless” frequently and actually thinks it’s a real word. *cringe*
I wish my world is perfect
People at my school spell “the” as “tha.” It pains me to see some papers students have written. OH, this was great, some girl in my class wanted to use “finna” as a word because I guess it meant “going to.” >___> What the hell? She was SO confident that it was a word, she started an argument with the teacher and 5 other students around her and she refused to change it because “it was right!” Seriously… there MUST be a divine God out there that has the ability to stop the bodily functions of these people that can’t talk or write properly. ;____; She was trying to start a fight with an ENGLISH TEACHER. BRAINDEAD?!
“Irregardless” has been figuratively stabbing both my ears and my heart for ages.
I’ve been aching to write or read this very entry.
“Regardless of my stank body odor, I can’t get a date even if my life depended on it.”
Does that not mean that the stank body oder is not the only reason, or the deciding factor as to why the subject can’t get a date? For example, you could’ve said, “Even if my body didn’t stink, I couldn’t get a date…” I definately take your point, and support it in full as spelling and grammar errors really upset me. If only I could get my own writing to the point of perfection yours has reached!
My most common spelling mistakes are “deffinately” and “reguardless”.
I wonder what kind of grammatical mishaps other languages have to deal with (I know. I ended this sentence with “with.”). I hear too much about the English one.
hallelujah for the grammar spanking of the hands!
i agree with you on the grammar thing.
however, i don’t think we should put full blame onto those that may have not had an opportunity to enhance their grammar/spelling. it’d be a good thing if ALL of us were on the same page when it came to grammar and spelling. unfortunately, it won’t be happening any time soon.
good post~!!!
Gah! The, “I could care less” thing always bothered me. I’m not the only one!
When I pointed that out, everyone I knew went, “Huh?”
OMG….thank you….thank you; you’ve just made life on this planet a little easier to take!
Those are all misused words and phrases which challenge my sanity and threadbare patience each time I hear them uttered.
*little tear of gratitude*
I absolutely agree. The mass confusion between your/you’re is infuriating… Contractions were taught in what, third grade?
I love reading this type of blog. Thanks for brightening my day through your rants.
have you ever heard anyone mistake the word ‘supposedly’ for ‘supposively’
oh good god, it kills me.
…literally
Oh, come on! Were is your wait you’re sence of fun
bahamut. great reference.
hahahaha nice!
Holy cow, I love this post. Those are my three biggest pet peeves. Wow. You read my mind :0) :0) :0) You ROCK!!
Believe it or not, I once saw that “I could care less” written in a PUBLISHED book. I had to read it five times to actually confirm what I had just seen. -sigh-
Well said.
@LoveLess_AndHappy - I know my little cousin’s teachers are NOT gung-ho on making sure they’re spelling/saying/meaning anything correctly. Those kids, if I were their english teacher (and I am NOT qualified to be one, but still…) would get a harsh dose of reality. I think that in kindergarten and first grade it’s okay to allow and correct it without marking them down, but seeing as one is in high school and the other is in 4th grade, they SHOULD be corrected AND marked down. Bye bye, A-students! And finna is frequently used by mostly African-Americans. “Finna” is to “fixing to”as gonna” is to “going to.” They all mean the same thing.
@dirtywhirlwind - I correct my uncle on that one a lot. He says supposably or supposively, when it is SUPPOSED to be supposedly. Another one that reminds me of that is “should of,” like, “you should of done that instead.” NO NO NO…of is not a verb. HAVE is the appropriate word, even though it sounds like “should of” is being said. And, in fact, what is really being said is “should’ve” not “should of.”
You are the wisest person I have ever encountered. You should team-teach my English class with me…
Hah. I love you.
Hmm… the mentioning of a Big Mac is what drew me to this post. Once you said forget about it, you lost me. ;p
agreed
“…forcing those of us who have worked to attain and maintain our grammar and spelling is worse.” Eh? =P
I think I love you.
LOL I love how this drives you crazy..love it! I feel the same…to a less degree perhaps (but yes i COULD care less). REGARDLESS, more people should read this post and stop being half illiterate.
as a fellow writer, i often find glaring grammatical mistakes in people’s writing… and it often irks me that someone who is supposed to be educated can’t seem to put words together to form coherent thoughts…
instead i say things like:
oh sorry, i put the wrong em-fassis on the wrong sil-labbel
grammatically correct people usually catch the fact i’m being a smart ass… love this…
:claps:
This is great.
I hate when people have grammatically incorrect facebook stati.
This was a good post… it always makes me feel better when other people rant about spelling and grammar. I’m not sure I’ve ever used “irregardless”. And I can’t believe someone misused literally that way. I mean… really? Seriously??
My biggest grammar beef is, as you mentioned, using your and you’re interchangably, and also when people apostrophe plurals. As in, “Boy, that’s a lot of cat’s!” Even typing that phrase out hurt me. Ouch.
ever since i was little, i always wondered why people said they ‘could care less’ when what they really meant was they COULDNT care less.
ahah.=]
Yes, it’s very annoying when people have bad grammar and incorret spelling but so what?
Nice. “Irregardless” has been thrown excessively by my staff lately… intentionally. Thanks to good ol’ “Family Guy.” Then they seem to love “All of the sudden.” Go figure.
slang > english
I often try to correct the lunatics in my life who suddenly stop speaking proper English and start talking stupid. I have no sympathy for stupidity. I guess that explains why my friends don’t hang out with me anymore.
Nice blog… It always bothers me when people say ‘I could care less’. Annoying.
This has made my day. The moment I came out of the womb I was always puzzled by the “I could care less” phrase. I would say “I couldn’t care less” and people would look at me with guns pointed at me. You have solved my universe.
i admit, i watch the hills, but i still appreciate a good sense of humor. what you said–about EVERYTHING in this post–was hilarious and true.
my perfect world would be the same. just more more addition: the word “alright” would be COMPLETELY removed. it’s “all right” people! all right is NOT one word. it doesn’t look cool, especially not in song lyrics that are supposed to be raw and poetic. i don’t care if it’s slang. it looks like a lazy second grader wrote it.
Genius!
Just one thing: mostly when people say “I can care less”, I’d automatically think they’re being sarcastic. I don’t know, maybe it’s just me =
(sitting quietly with both hands over my mouth to avoid any egregious errors)
I strongly agree! Do tell me if you decide to create an anti-bad-grammar-movement! =P
So this is what, the forth time you’ve been featured? I pick my subscriptions well.
every time you write, you turn me on.
WOW every single one of these things gets on my nerves too.
your so right
(you’re)
I miss the crystal pepsi too! ):
i want to be part of this perfect world
Fries on the hamburger! Yes…Literally!
Bad instead of badly.
Where/were(or we’re without the apostrophe in some cases).
They’re/there/their.
Good instead of well.
I could go on forever. *cringe*
Challenge your beliefs.
I hate people who say “whatever” when they’re corrected; it makes me want to shove their face into a meat grinder.
I don’t mix “your” and “you’re” up, though I do know my grammar is pretty bad on occasion. I don’t get bothered when people have general grammar mistakes, as long as I can understand what they’re saying I’m okay. Because it’d be pointless to get bothered by something as futile as that.
If the message gets across then all is well. I couldn’t care less if they think their heart was literally ripped out. Though I do wonder about that man.
oh gawd, dont even get me started on the people who say conversate. conversate is NOT A WORD, you DINGBAT. the word is converse. oh, how stupid people annoy me
If we lived in a perfect world, you would not be typing out this entry. Then, I would not have been given this luxury of amusement.
oops i am victim of SOME of those mistakes…not realizing how bad they really were! *sigh*
and Crystal Pepsi!! All my friends look at me crazy when I said something about Crystal Pepsi, I’m glad someone else remembers. I was beginning to think I made the whole thing up.
Me fail english? That’s unpossible.
first xanga post I’ve read in a very long time…..very entertaining, haha
Can there be like a warning level in your perfect world? Every time you make a mistake you get a 10% warning, and every day it goes down 1% and when you get to 100% you get the death penalty?
But good post :]
Proper grammar is pretty cool.
I’m going to try to start using “figuratively” though more because Ryan North of Dinosaur Comics said so, though you did remind me.
Here’s to hoping I didn’t make some foolish grammar mistake while typing this.
Oh! Holy Jesus!
This was a very entertaining & enlightening post.
I only say literally but other than that I am pretty good on my catch phrases.
I hate people that say “brang” instead of “brought.” Also negative questions irks. I answer them correctly and confuse the person who asks.
“Do you not have money?”
“Yes.”
“So you have money?”
“I answered your question. Yes I don’t have money.”
I was wondering, after reading this post, if you would marry me. Because this… this is just beautiful. Thank you. Thank you so much.
May I be a part of this perfect world?
literally is actually literally actually literal. and if you actually literally actual the literal, the literally actual becomes..literal. ??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? i must me illiterate.
i think people who correct grammar are just as annoying as people who don’t know proper grammar. you just cant win.
wow.
that was awesome!
half of the things you said were correct
i never knew!
Agreed! Except… in the case of “I could care less”, sarcasm could save us all. If you choose to interpret every “I could care less” as a sarcastic comment, it would make perfect sense.
I thought this entry was going to be about hamburgers and french fries.
I feel gyped, almost!
But I love the entry regardless
…
…
…
(is that right? Don’t punch me if it’s wrong.)
*subscribed*
I recommend bringing a red pen with you where ever you may roam to fix the evil gramatical and spelling mistakes:)
What about “all of a sudden”? This word is used out of context as well. in a perfect world, politicians wouldn’t lie. In a perfect world, evil wouldn’t thrive to destroy the good. In a perfect world, money would be the servant of mankind instead of the master of mankind. In a perfect world, cictizens would abandon their apathy and start caring about inportant things agian. In a perfect world, Gorilas would talk and pigeons would sing. In a perfect world, creativity would be wanted and respected, instead of hated and mocked by small minded sheeple. In a perfect world, war would not exist and niether would the evil men who start war for a tidy profit on purpose. In a perfect world, you would be ten times more beautiful, although, you are already beautiful, extremely beautiful. Tight eyes you have.
I know what you mean!!
In a perfect world , there would be no mirrors … ’cause every girl would have a perfect guy to tell her that she looks beautiful !!! <3
Oh, this was good.
FANTASTIC post! Ugh, the whole “could care less” and “could not care less” drove us absolutely batty throughout high school! “Hey have you seen-” “Blah blah blah I could care less.” “Couldn’t.” “what?” “You couldn’t, could not, care less.” *stares at us like we fell off of the fucking moon*
This is [literally] the best thing I’ve read on Xanga!
You’re great! Bad grammar is my biggest pet peeve.
THANK YOU. ~applause~
Oh my, a heart literally torn out by children? Sounds painful. =D
Wow. I learned a lot with this post. May I live in your perfect world too? If ever it becomes real? I may not fit in now, but I will in the near future.
lol. Great post!
Santa shouldn’t press charges if he had his heart ripped out. He should be honored! Human sacrifices are always so complainy… I’m sorry, that should be “prone to frequent fits of complaining.”
I do agree with what you have to say, though.
What if people make mistakes due to poor education? =)
The “I could care less” statement baffled me for the longest time. That’s how I’ve always heard it, but it just didn’t make sense!
You should join my grammar Nazi regime. We beat people with dictionaries.
Great post!!!
Your perfect world makes more sense then mine. My boyfriend corrects my grammar all the time, and I thank him for it. People won’t take you seriously if you don’t use proper grammar.
Like at a job interview for example. If you apply in a respectful manner (and use correct grammar), you will most likely be considered for the job compared to someone coming in off the street who can’t keep up a simple conversation.
Oh, and something that’s in my perfect world, when people use the word legit. I hate it! Stop being lazy and say legitimate. I actually heard a newscaster say legit the other day, it made me really sad.. It’s like how you feel when people use literally wrong.
Okay. I will remember these 3.
In my opinion, a language’s only purpose is communication.
As long as
you are able to communicate your idea, and the opposing party
understands, why is grammar such a problem? I think this way because I
have many friends who speak multiple languages, including myself, have usually only mastered one of these languages. There are many other means of
communicating ideas beyond the use of grammatically correct English.
You can use eye contact, body language, tones, etc., I understand them
perfectly well. Sure, they have only mastered forty-five percent of English
grammar, but they have been able to communicate their ideas through
multiple mediums. Considering they speak multiple languages, and are more inclined to use more than one medium to express their feelings, I think they are more talented. Comparatively, they’ve had the ability to reach out to more people in a more personal manner. Isn’t that more important?
May I join you in this perfect world? :]
I was tempted to write a comment full of horribly spelled and constructed sentences, except I really didn’t want to get shot.
(Here I am, second guessing my spelling over the word sentence. I used to ALWAYS spell it sentance and now I always second guess myself on it.)
There’s a reason why he works at a mall dressed up as Santa…
…maybe because he literally flunked out of high school.
AWSOME!
=P
(notice my spelling mistake. another word people can’t seem to spell.)
please please please take me to this world of yours, that I may escape the agony of correcting poor grammar at work!
I love intelligent people.
All points that were addressed are ones that I’ve pondered about my entire life.
fries on hamburgers.. so delicious.
How about “any amount of food eaten supplies sufficient nutrients to fuel our bodies?”
I loved this post; I lauged the entire time. The thing that drives me crazy are your, you’re, to, too, two, , their, there, they’re, are as or oh my God I could go on for days…drives me nuts! Laughing hysterically right now! And what about that tropical sprite…the skittle tasting kind…oh goodnesssss
It’s a Utopia.
you have to ask yourself, even though there may not be a lot of competent people, which tells more about the person? the way they spell? or the message they are trying to project? the world is never going to be perfect, and it shouldn’t be, how else will you love it for what it has to offer, when you have nothing to compare its greatness with its failures?
THANK YOU!
AAAUUUGGHHHH!!! AMEN!!!!
I’d love to live in your perfect world!
Organic Grog
Ahahaha… You are right The Hills kills brain cells.
That show disgusts me. And how the hell is that show considered entertaining??
I love this post. I AM SUBSCRIBING!
Yeah.
The worst is “supposubly”
I love this, it’s so true!
Have you noticed people using “Ect.” instead of “ETC.”? That figuratively drives me up the walls.
Woooahahahahahah!!!! Awesome!
I would totally live in your perfect world. Big Macs with the fries inside and Crystal Pepsi. Hell yes!:)
Well, it’s not really manipulating words. Simply, contemporary American vernacular has taken on a direction of it’s own. Renewing the definition of “say what you mean and mean what you say”. Irregardless of your claim in a “perfect world” (in this case your perfect world) flaw is always set to be spawned. BTW, Instead of the Big Mac’s already having fries in them in your perfect world, or any perfect world), they should always have fries with them, for free? You know, then that would be the first step towards a successful Utopia.
@Prim_Prim4488 - Exactly, I’m trilingual and sometimes my brain sort of goes blank while ranting along in English, and sometimes I hate having that awkward gap of silence standing there so i through in a vaguely related Thesaurus word, that either raises eyebrows in amusement or bewilderment. So, it would be a dream come true if we could all speak perfectly gramatically, but co’mon!
I love this post!! Great job!
I hate also when people spell awful with an “e”. Sigh, this world, these generations.
you had me at Bahamut. I’m subscribing.
My site is full of grammatical errors. I do admit it is because I’m lazy though.
Get me at work and I pay more attention. To me it’s dressing in a suit for the proper occasion and wearing what I feel like when I’m at home. Even if it mean I forget to zip my fly. However, when I am at work, I hate to see management writing me emails with things like your/you’re etc.
@PoodyB - oh i’ve been doing it since i was 4. i can’t eat a hamburger without fries.
THANK YOU!!!!!
My mother and I are both college students, and last night I helped her grade a stack of English papers (she is a GTA). It was atrocious. I don’t even understand how these people score well enough on the SATs to even get into college in the first place. Forget about using a wide range of vocabulary, how hard is it to even construct a sentence? They obviously were too lazy to use spell check, because if you actually care enough to use this handy tool, it will (usually) tell you when your sentence structure is messed up.
One of my biggest pet peeves is abusing the word “loose”. i.e., “I thought I was going to loose my purse.” Even my teachers in high school made that typo!
P.S. The “literally” illustration is hilarious!
Irregardless… *shudder* I hate when people say this. It makes me want to correct them. So I do
AGREED 1000%! Oh my GOD. I don’t understand how anyone could do this to our language. It’s terrifying and disturbing. Especially “I could care less”. I HATE THAT. And I’m glad you touched on “literally” as well… I’m forever correcting people on that. Like yesterday a friend of mine said something along the lines of “literally fuck the exam paper”. …¬_¬
This was fun to read. Thank you so much for pointing these things out.
Ban the use of ‘like’ while you’re handing out these penalties.
You forget that no everyone’s main language is English. You’re a narrow-minded hootchie and you deserve to get smacked. I wish to see you demonstrate that you’re 100% accurate in this language; become an English professor will you? Why aren’t you a billionaire lawyer?
Your perfect world sounds like a great place to live.
The question is, do those whom excercise poor grammer, such as myself… achieve the same level of effective communication, if not more?
For example, my excessive use of commas… yay
The grammar whore has spoken!
Good grammar is hot.
the worst culpirt… Lil Mama on America’s Best Dance Crew twice complementing people by saying “you cease to amaze me” LOL
Nik
Bahamut rules!
Oh, man. I get infuriated at the misuse of “literally” (there’s a really fantastic blog called literally, a weblog that points out instances of this misuse, very funny) and whenever someone says that they could care less, I’m pretty sure I actually twitch. “Irregardless” is annoying to me as well, but not as infuriating as the other two. I always feel like a bit of an asshole when I correct people, though. So I just suffer in silence, lol.
Amen.
LOL. This stuff doesn’t bother me as much as it used to.
My minis?
Are you referring to the Xmas Icons in my post?
They’re just cute icons I uploaded as pictures.
=]
do you like manipulating people?
OH man, I’m so behind in reading your blog! I need to get back on program…Haven’t even gotten a chance to fully read this one, since I’m wasting time instead of getting ready for work. So I need to get my butt moving and go put some putty on my face and try to do SOMETHING with my hair.
Now you’re making me feel bad! I never use apostrophes or capitalize when I’m typing because I am too lazy and it slows me down, because I usually type really fast. Actually, It’s really embarrassing because I have flawless grammar in real life and when I am hand-writing something, so it gives people the wrong idea. I’m only thirteen, though. I can still fix this problem, dawg! maybe, if i try har denough, i can doo it wit no mithtkes wutsoever! : )