January 3, 2009

• You know what I think is extremely tacky Xanga behavior? When people advertise their blogs on someone else’s comment section.

  The really shameless losers will just leave a comment like, “visit my blog.” They aren’t even trying to hide the fact that their only purpose for visiting your Xanga is to gain readership.

  The less shameless losers try to downplay their attempts at leeching off your Xanga by complimenting your site, e.g., “nice blog! Visit mine!” The compliment is usually very general because the commenter didn’t actually bother to look at your blog. He was only visiting in order to advertise his own.

  I’ve received a handful of both types of advertisement comments–let’s call them Advertisement Comments–and have deleted all of them. And I will continue to do this until I die…and maybe even after that. It’s not because I don’t have anything better to do with my time (although that will be questionable once I am dead…unless you count rotting away as a productive activity), but I regularly devote a chunk of my schedule to cleaning comment-house for several reasons:

  I.    I Am Preserving Your Dignity

  Someone has to do it, and since it’s not you it might as well be me. When you leave Advertisement Comments on someone else’s blog, you are giving everyone the impression that your site is a steaming pile of garbage that no one would visit on his or her own. Your comment also tells everyone that you are fully aware of your steaming-pile-of-garbageness, hence why you are desperately trying to lure visitors onto your site by promoting it on someone else’s blog.

  This, of course, might not be an even remotely true assessment of you or your site. You could actually be incredibly engaging and a worthwhile read–but no one is really going to assume this of someone who has to troll the “Featured Weblogs” list for potential readers.

  You are pretty much committing blog suicide if you leave Advertisement Comments, and most people will just relegate your site to their mental Doodoo Ditch and avoid it at all costs. So to prevent you from tainting anyone else’s impression of your site, I will voluntarily erase your comment before anyone else sees it. Yes, I will take it upon myself, out of the goodness of my heart, to save your Xanga soul by wiping your shameless self-promotion off my page. No, no, no need to thank me. I am just doing what all fake genuine guardian angels would do.

  II.     I Am Protecting Readers

  On the other hand, assuming your site really is the steaming pile of garbage your Advertisement Comment makes me think it is, I don’t want any of my readers to click on your comment and end up being brutally assaulted by whatever crap is posted on your page. And it clearly must be stanky crap considering how low you are willing to go to get attention.

  III.    I Am Not Vincent Chase

  I’m not Vincent Chase, and this isn’t an episode of “Entourage.” Therefore, even though I am fortunate enough to have subscribers, that does not mean you can hang around my comments section and try to soak up some residual exposure. You will just have to start from the beginning like every other Xangan: your friends are your only subscribers, and your Footprint counter never reaches above 100 per month.

  I have been advised not to take this crap too seriously, and to instead view it as a positive sign that my blog has achieved a level of popularity. People tend to advertise their blogs on high-traffic Xangas because they believe more people will see their comments and then visit their sites. Thus, I should actually feel good whenever I receive a “visit my blog” comment because it means someone thinks my Xanga is one that has a healthy flow of Footprints.

  Umm, no. I will never think of those comments as a good thing. And by “never” I mean there is a greater chance that I will fart Smurfs before I find an iota of positive value in the Advertisement Comment–and Smurfs don’t even exist.

  

  • 2:10 pm
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