February 1, 2009
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I want to learn how to armpit fart.
The armpit fart is the only reason why we have armpits. Therefore, when you fail to learn the art of hand + sweaty pit + flapping elbow = fart noise, you also fail as a human being.
I, for one, am not content with being a subpar human, so remedying this unacceptable status is a top priority. And I plan to do this by not only learning how to armpit fart, but also mastering it. Scoff all you want, haters, but I’ll show you. I’m going to be so kick-ass at armpit farting that I won’t even need to use my pits—all I’ll have to do is imagine myself doing the motions and a fart sound will magically come out from under my arms.
So bad ass!
I will be the “Kwai Chang Caine” of armpit farting! And then I will open up my own dojo atop some mountain and train the next generation’s masters of the armpit fart, and everyone will look at me as proof that even the biggest dreams can come true!
So…umm…how do you do it? I’ve realized through trial and error that merely putting my hand under my arm and waving my elbow is not enough. There is something more to it than that—some kind of secret. Does it have to do with level of sweat buildup? Curvature of the hand? Elbow angle? What is it?!
Comments (37)
The armpit fart is a delicate artform. It takes many years of training to truly perfect. I wish you well on your journey.
You will learn, young Padawan. You will learn.
when you learn the art, you must teach thy apprentice *me* hahahah
missed your entries and sry for the lack of mine~
-from your#1 xanga fan- ^_^
lol it takes alot of practice. i finally got it after about 1093840 times practicing.
just practice real farting…
definitely curvature. gotta build up that pressure and allow it to “squeak” by at the right velocity to produce the fart sound
try practicing with your hands first. hold out one hand and grasp that hands’ thumb between your other hand’s thumb and index finger. try to seal all the edges between your two palms, and then squeeze the air out by pushing your palms together. once you get the concept, move on to your armpit.
you need NO SWEAT
just gotta cup it right
Whotakethmycoke seems to have the most helpful suggestions so far, but I am waiting with bated breath….I’ve always wanted to know as well, by the way.
That, and learning how to snap.
Funny, yet artistic. LOL.
S.C.
It takes practice. I used to know someone who had moved on to knee- fart.
yeah, cupping your hand is the best technique.
i was able to do knee-farts before i could do armpit farts, haha.
quick tip: armpit hair significantly decreases the success rate of armpit farting. shave those pits and you’re golden!
Try starting using a soft piece of pork chop instead of your hands first. Afterwards you will have tenderized your dinner too! Mmmmmm…delectable…
its how your palm cups the armpit… if that makes sense.
I have never mastered the armpit fart, either. And I never really thought I’d want to learn haha.
it’s all about appropriately cupping the hand. *armpit farts the ABC’s*
actually i missed mastery of it as a child, so i taught myself one day in high school after i realized i’m a damn good independent student.
@PhilKwon81 - my pits are jungle forests that would even overwhelm chewbacca. hair is less of an impediment than you might imagine.
I think I’ll join your dojo when you master it!
It’s true, you have to cup your hand first. Cup it as if you scooped into a 3lb bag of M&Ms and are now holding your hand’s maximum capacity. Wetness doesn’t guarantee the noise… it just makes it sound nastier.
Once you learn the armpit fart, I can teach you the legpit farts!
I think you might have to be a guy in order to have the ability to armpit fart. That is all there is to it.
Haha, I’ve never done an armpit fart in my life..
i think its rather embarrassing that i’m a girl who can make armpit farts -_-” it’s very classy and mature. you shape your hand like a C, leave some space between your armpit and hand, and squeeze the air through
Curvature. And the speed of the flap. Of course, you cannot be so fat that opening up your arm and closing it tight makes no difference as well.
I think one 1st need to master the art of normal fart well before progressing to armpit fart.
I’ve always wanted to learn the art of armpit farting, but just could not get it down
I’m going to guess that one’s armpit must be very sweaty to be able to pull it off. Maybe it works better if there is no deodorant…
Good luck with your endeavor!
Maybe its dependent on how raunchy you are. Try not showering for a couple of weeks? Worse comes to worse they’ll smell like farts but wont produce noise. SBD arm-pit farts?
lol noob. It is one of those talents that people are born with. Either you have it or you don’t sorry =P
It is the only reason for armpits, I’m sure.
My boyfriend can eye-socket-fart. It’s quite disturbing because I keep thinking he’ll pop his eyeball. I’m also quietly impressed.
I don’t do the armpit fart. I can but don’t. Instead, I just clasp my hands together and make them fart or I make my eye squeak.
Hahaha… so random. Good luck on this one. I’ve tried and failed many a time at the coveted armpit fart.
I’ve also tried to master spinning a writing implement around my fingers without much success. I think I have the hand dexterity of a drunken ape.
I might be mistaken, but I believe your cartoon is practicing the sacred art of real farting, which does not require the use of armpits…
Maybe not, though. Otherwise, I’ve got nothing to help – can’t say I’ve ever accomplished the faux armpit fart nor the real one. But good luck!
Sort of disturbing.
the mastery really comes when you can do it on any arm pit. i unfortuantely can only do it on one. plus you don’t need to sweat to do it.
excellent decision. Good luck and I hope you achieve extreme greatness!
All advice aside,(because I don’t have any to give)
Thank you.
I am absolutely certain that you just caused all 265 people who read this to attempt to fart with their armpits…
and that makes my day for some strange reason.
… ok i can’t resist a little advice..
to truly masters of the way of the armpit, you must first master the dry pit technique.
best of luck to you on your quest to validate your humanity.
It’s easy.