June 2, 2009
-
Have you ever dated a friend’s ex?
I have never done this or had it done to me, but I know quite a few boys and girls who couldn’t resist the allure of a friend’s leftovers. And, by the way, I know some people call a friend’s ex “sloppy seconds,” but that is so not what the term actually means. “Sloppy seconds” refers to using someone else’s, umm…go look it up!
Anyway, I like eating leftovers—especially reheated fettuccini alfredo…mmm–but that doesn’t mean I want to date them. Dating a friend’s ex seems like a major betrayal, you know? It cheapens a friendship that most likely required a lot of effort to develop. Trampling on that emotional investment just so that you can have someone to hold hands with makes you a giant tool—and you deserve to be beaten with a rubber hose and then set on fire.
Besides, dating a friend’s ex isn’t exactly the best way to advertise your hotness. It kind of screams, “of all the people in the world, the only person I could attract was someone who once dated my friend.” And that’s just sad.
While I think dating a friend’s ex is generally a bad idea, it seems less heinous if your new boyfriend or girlfriend was the one who got dumped. Think about it in terms of trash: all the garbage I throw away consists of stuff I do not want, either because it is useless, or got all fat and lazy after I first acquired it, or whatever. Since I don’t need any of it anymore, I’ve kicked it to the curb for the garbage collectors to come haul it away. But if my friend discovered she could use the items I threw out, she could take my trash bag and I’d be totally okay with it.
The same cannot be said for a situation where stuff I do want to keep disguises itself as trash and escapes from my possession. That is definitely not garbage—and if my friend tries to take my trash bag, she’s going to have to deal with me getting all up in her face or dragging her ass onto a Jerry Springer-type show.
Applying the trash analogy, dumping a person is like throwing out garbage. And once you dump someone, your ex is fair game for everyone, including your friends. After all, just because you don’t want him doesn’t mean all your friends have to feel the same way. If your ex dumped you, however, then your friends can’t date him or her without looking like a disloyal ho.
As I said earlier, I have never dated a friend’s ex, nor had a friend who dated one of my exes—but I am really curious to hear from people who have experienced either scenarios. Were you okay with it? Was your friend? Are you even still friends?
Comments (28)
hm…this is kind of ambiguous for me because i never dated dated them both. anyway. there were a lot of situations where two guys whom i uh…yea…(no..not sex) with ended up sitting at the same dinner table..along with me. talk about awkwardness. i’m sleepy…i take my words back. gah.
Can’t imagine 3 people sharing secrets of each others past ..and still have to hangout. It’s like breaking the bushido warrior code. No honour!
Tainted meat always leads to diarrhea!
ryc: hmm…A&B didn’t know. C&D…i recently told C.
That pic is the cutest trash ever!
That happened to me. Thus, I vowed never, ever to date a friend’s ex, regardless of who dumped who, unless the subject is discussed thoroughly between both parties (and even then I might be hesitant to go through with it).
By the way, you’ve got superb Paint skills! <3
dumpster diving eh?
my gf got dumped after year of long-distance. although my friend and i’ve talked in depth- there seems to be a bit of uneasiness between us.
it has happened to me twice. the first time i found out this acquaintance who was becoming a friend turned out he was dating my gf at the time 4 months before we broke up. His status to me is “deck on site” no question, stills stands today even so.
Second time was my last gf where another friend started talking to her behind my back. Yeah we aren’t friends anymore, its a dick move to do. It’s one of my rules, never date a friends ex, that’s just fucked up.
I had a friend of mine date one of my ex’s. I dumped her because it wasn’t working. two or three weeks later I find they’ve been hanging out a lot. and then I find out they’re dating. I wasn’t mad, sad, or anything. I think he ended up feeling extremely guilty because we aren’t as close as we were before all of that. from what I’ve learned it’s never a good idea.
on the other hand I’ve had ex’s of my other friends be really really friendly to me, but I avoid them like the plague.
if only everyone had as much common sense as you.
Does it count if you were secretly in a relationship with the person *before* your friend dated them, then restarted that relationship after your friend broke up with her?
I dated my college roommate’s ex. but it was ok, because she was dumped by him. (I in turn, was dumped by her, but that’s besides the point)
isn’t it illegal to go through other people’s trash?
I’ve never dated a friends’ ex. That’s just too weird. Worst I ever had was a GF that tried to hook up with my then-best friend. I promptly kicked her to the curb and threatened him with bodily harm if he pursued her. Thankfully he had my back over that skank and it was over before it began.
i’ve been “the trash” in this situation. and, quite fittingly, that’s how i felt sometimes. luckily, that was way back in high school.
It seems fine to me… unless the person purposely acted like trash hoping you would throw him out so that he can date your friend.
Hahaha… interesting analogy. Your depictions are hilarious.
I’ve never done it and none of my friends have dated my exes either. Therefore, I apologize in advance for not being able to further any additional discussion on the matter.
one of my so-called friend dated one of my ex back in high school and i was really disappointed in her but i got over it as time goes by. i guess i didn’t care much cuz i only dated him for a month and he was a player so…
i usually just hump anyone within 5 feet of me, no feelings involved
Hmm, I’ve never dated a friend’s ex but I’m worried that if I do, it’s going to count as a betrayal. Also, does that Jerry Springer show still exist?!
Ick! No leftovers for me!
I once “considered” dating my cousin’s ex (she dumped him), but decided it would be too akward since my cousin and I are really close. Even though I thought he was a great guy… I just couldn’t do that to her.
nah, I could never date someone’s ex.
Hookup…maybe.
Nope. I decided to have a go with his younger sister. Apparently he would have preferred taking his ex-gf.
My best friend has dated two of my ex’s we’re still close, she even married one of them
that second picture made my day.
i don’t think i’d ever date a friend’s ex. it reminds me of that episode of “how i met your mother” where barney and ted are after the same girl. they see the other dude every time they try to get it on with the girl. i’d imagine the same thing would happen to me.
as a general rule, i think that dating a friend’s ex is a big no-no if your friend was in a long term relationship with the guy. if it was just a fling, then feel free to feast on the ‘sloppy seconds’ because who’s to say that you don’t have a connection with a guy that your friend passed up. that being said, if any of my friends dated my first boyfriend it would feel like the ultimate betrayal. if they dated my most recent, then they are free to go ahead, but its their loss. i’ve known a few girls who’ve dated friend’s ex’s and there’s almost always a negative impact on the friendship. oh well.
it happened to me once and by the time i found out, there were already in a relationship, my friend that was my roommate dated my ex. i was upset at both of them because they both knew of each other and to go behind my back and do that to me means that she didn’t really want to be my friend that much. i cut both of them out of my life completely because i don’t need friends who are going to do that to me. my ex and i shared a lot together and my roommate was a friend that i would always go to for advice and for her to do that to me, she didn’t really want to be my friend. i have a no dating ex policy with my friends. i don’t do it and i won’t allow it with my friends or ex.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong in dating a friend’s ex. The relationship is OVER and that means that person is single. And in case you are wondering that it leads to your friendsayng nasty stuff about you, then that person probably isn’t a friend. Friends understand each other and I think it’s perfectly okay to date your friend’s ex after he/she gets over him.