September 27, 2009
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I need you all to pool your intellect together because I am in dire need of your advice!
In about two hours, I am going to a cocktail party to celebrate the grand opening of a classmate’s law firm. There are going to be other lawyers and working professionals attending this event, and that means I am going to have to schmooze my way through the evening.
I hate schmoozing. You’re basically talking to a bunch of strangers about things that aren’t at all interesting, but you have to pretend to be engaged in the conversation for the sole purpose of making a connection that could potentially benefit your career. Gone are the days of resumes and interviews; if you want a job, it’s about whom you know and not what you know.
…And that sucks total ass for someone like me, because my schmoozing techniques are crap–and that’s an understatement. Every time I go to a networking event, it always turns out something like this:
Or this:
It’s awful!
I desperately need any tips you might have on getting through this thing! How do I at least pretend to look like I know what I’m doing?
Comments (47)
I used to be nervous about this too, but after a while it is easy. Definitely shake hands when you meet someone. If you have business cards, have those handy. Mainly if someone offers their card, you should give yours in return. Plus it is good for networking.
Stick with small talk like weather, sports, maybe music and cultural event. Where you are from and went to school are good topics, if you are comfortable with these. (i.e. definitely don’t bring these up to say how much you hated your parents or college.) Stay away from controversial topics like politics, religion, etc. Maybe even read up on the new firm. I think discussing how you know the firm’s owner(s) is a good topic to discuss.
I hope this helps. Good luck!
, Abby
Yep. Nod and agree.
Go with a people savvy date who’ll pull you in too at the right moments.
Browse current events and the latest snippets on health reform, tort reform, and the economy in general for conversation stocking stuffers.
Lighter topics – sports – weather – news.
Always a good idea- ask them what their career goals are and how they arrived where they are today.
If all else fails……
NINJA KITTENS!!!!!
Awww, I’m sorry but I have no advice to offer. T_T Ahaha, your comics never fail to amuse me.
Oh good luck! ><! I pretty much epic fail or just feel super awkward in these situations. I was at a formal event yesterday actually. Sometimes it’s nice to use cheesy devices.
This is one I heard yesterday:
“Sooo, anyone know how much a polar bear weighs?”
(Silence)
“Enough to break the ice! Har har”.
So it was cheesy, but everyone laughed and things were less awkward. But it was cheesy, and that might seem sophomoric; so I guess gauge the others’ humor before trying that one. You seem pretty funny, so you might be able to work it out without it being out of place? n_n good luck!
watch the news, read time magazine and just remember interesting topics u read about to discuss
that cartoon looks like anxiety…have any benzos?
there’s no real easy way out of this one. it’s good to know a little bit of everything, but that just comes with time. sorry, can’t really help you out with this one
punch em in the stomach!!!!!
british petroleum, it has a pretty nice dividend.
in n out are the best burgers!
“oh my dear your shoes are lovely…WHERE DID YOU BUY THEM??????????”
blah blah blah blah blah blah blah at a cocktail party eh….vapid….talk about SHOES….people walk on them….
feel your pain, I was actually scrolling through for useful advice for myself!
whenever I go to these socializing events I get verbal diarrhea. Bringing a talkative friend does help, only problem is they remember your friend but not you. Just look up news events and have a story about yourself ready to share.
Ooooo, good luck…you’ll do fine
Just show lots of cleavage =P
schmoozing is a hardly a skill that i’d list on my resume. i feel your pain.
umm… just ask people questions about themselves… they’ll love you for it. you’ll be charming!
Haha, I love the comic. I’m afraid I’m probably even worse than you at schmoozing. I suppose just keep asking people about their opinion on things, etc. so that they talk about themselves a lot? That’s what my boyfriend (an excellent schmoozer) keeps telling me to do. That way, you only need to know a few prompts so that you can comment things like “Uh huh, so, what do you think about X then?” and keep them talking!
Good luck!
Haha, idk, but those cartoons are great. I used to get dragged to lawyer things with my dad and stepmom sometimes, or they would occur at our home, but nothing much was ever expected of me being in high school and all.
need a moment?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQJ2SegGWyc&feature=related
CONFIDENCE!!!!
wow weird formatting last time i commented so let’s try this again…
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smile and nod! works for me all the time since i never know what to say XD
and then as a general rule, either actually try paying attention to the convo
(at least enough so that when someone asks for your opinion, you can give it and/or say “i agree with so-and-so and their ideas on ___”) or maybe try avoiding direct eye contact when there’s a lull in the convo so you won’t be dragged into it? on second thought.. that might backfire because they might want to draw you into the convo to ask your thoughts and engage you.. so feel out the situation i guess haha
of course, i’m also a failure at “schmoozing” so take that with a grain of salt. and i’ll leave you with this old old joke i heard a long time ago: ”what’s the shortest distance between two people?” A: “laughter” so… laugh! it’ll lighten the atmosphere, if nothing else, and if no one joins in, you can make fun of and laugh at yourself to break the awkwardness.
Stick to topics that are considered classy but few people really know about.
For instance, Jazz, Opera, or other classical music. Many people want to pretend to know something about those things for appearances but they don’t so you can ramble meaninglessly and they’ll be impressed.
practice makes perfect. =)
I admit – I scrolled through to see what the tidbits were. I am NOT good at schmoozing. But I will say this – people LOVE to talk about themselves. Notice something about them – what they’re wearing, or ask where they went to school, ask how they got the job they did, blah blah blah … basically, if it’s on THEM, it’s not on YOU. Keep asking questions – and then you won’t get stuck with one you can’t answer or in a conversation you can’t contribute well to, hopefully.
Smile, eye contact, and stick out your hand. Handshakes are the norm at these sorts of events. Go for it.But whatever happens; always be confident, even if you feel like you’re about to die.
lol funny cartoon, but sorry i don’t have any advice for you.
I’m confused, why does it matter? Are you trying to achieve something other than not being nervous?
I agree with one of the others, asking people questions about themselves, e.g. their hobbies, ambitions, etc. is a good way to go.
Just. Be. Yourself. It’s not about what you know but rather how you return what’s thrown at you. (like tennis: you can’t control how the ball comes at you but you sure as hell know how to hit the ball; just be strategic with it).
Be honest. Don’t bs your way into conversations if you really don’t know. I think they’d be impressed (as well as anyone else) by the fact that you’d have the courage to say you don’t know about a particular topic you’re expected to know. You could always respond by saying: “enlighten me on the subject?” etc.
Be reflexive. Use the topics that are being discussed and ask questions about them and inquire about why are the way they are. Be creative in your approach and analysis. (ie. oil prices are so high and is it ethical to manipulate it when society is dependent upon it etc.)
Be engaging. You don’t have to frighten yourself into thinking that you’d say the wrong thing. Just justify why you say what you say. Don’t say things for the sake of saying them. And don’t fall into the submissive Asian female stereotype. There’s already enough damage out there already.
Be thick skinned. Don’t take this smoozing op so seriously. It’s important, sure but it’s not the end all. Do not fear external evaluations nor internal ones, but rather know that the fear is all but shadows and dust. Psych studies have found that people self perceive themselves far greater in detail than what external persons would evaluate. Translation? People won’t scrutinize you to the extent you critique yourself so relax.
Finally…
Be real. nuff said.
Good luck!
not to be over-confident, i am very good at meeting new people around my age. and the way i see it is you need to stop thinking inward. don’t be afraid of asking, no question is stupid. constantly talking. if the arkward silent is about to kick in, excuse yourself to go to the restroom/grab a drink/some food. then you come back with questions, or listen and actually do eye contact to join the conversation. it’s hard to show you how, you probably need to meet more people often. or take communication classes. when people are too old for me, shiet, i dont even feel like talking. ;]] (whats the point? it’s not like we’re going to hang out. unless i need you for business benefits.) in this case you do want to squeeze yourself in the firm, you want be able to express thought confortably.
spend more time listening to people talk like watching tv. stop isolating yourself by going online too much, online communication only makes it worse.
surely, you must be good at something. anyway, i’m good at talking about nothing since i’m a walking receptacle of useless knowledge. being eccentric helps too.
Small talk 101: What do you like to do, did you travel lately, and what movies were your favorite this summer? May help to be more specific (e.g., did you like District 9, ever been to Europe, etc.).
Good luck! LOVE the cartoons.
hope it went ok for ya
i usually let them say whatever it is they wanna say first and then ask them questions about whatever it is they’re talking about.. coz ya know, ppl like talking about themselves=p
I’m sure it’s not as bad as you make it sound. Also, the Arch Deluxe wasn’t even the worst thing that McDonald’s has put on their menu. Don’t you remember the McDLT? They separated the cold side (i.e., top bun, cheese, tomatoes & lettuce) from the hot side (i.e., patty & bottom bun).
I just found this on Youtube. It’s GEORGE from Seinfeld! LOL!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UTSdUOC8Kac
Hmmm….so what do you think your cats will do back at your apartment while you’re at the cocktail party, Sylvia?
simple fix, alcohol
I know I’m late but did you wake up with a Hangover!?
Just fake like you’re comfortable… eventually you will be.
Your cartoons are hilarious! Probably because I know how that feels. One of the best things you can do is just say “I DON’T KNOW” and ask some very simple questions about it, such as “can you tell me a little more about the BP oil company, is that a large producer?” Most people will want to be helpful and it gives them a chance to show off their knowledge of the subject as well. Nothing wrong with being vulnerable around reasonable people. (Okay I won’t make any lawyer jokes here – after all there is honor among… no sorry…)
Same with the handshake protocol, making a faux-pas is not the end of the world, and if you make it with a smile and good nature, you’ll be quickly forgiven!
Good luck!
Uhm, what works for me is to just relax, and learning to listening to other people more instead of the nagging self doubts and voices in my own mind. Focus on what other people are saying. If it does not interest you, move on. If it does, wait for an appropriate point and interject an opinion.
If confronted with a question about a topic you are not interested in, say “Sorry I’m not really up on that topic, excuse me.” Then smile and walk away.
approach it as if you were a player at a singles event…bar, club, whatever. because let’s be honest. networking for business is basically the social equivalent of whoring yourself out. ingratiating yourself with potential employers (or hook ups) is fairly simple. figure out what they want to hear…tell them what they want to hear…and act supremely confident while delivering the goods. think of the character barney from the show “how i met your mother”. SUIT UP.
keep your eyes on the prize – the goal is to get them to go home with you/think of hiring you. same thing, really. wait, what were we talking about again?
oh yeah, make sure you don’t have sweaty palms when you shake hands. that’s just gross.
Basically the art is in faking it. I know that sounds sadly pitiful and actually it is but if you want to “make friends and influence people” you have to learn it. Start by looking pretty, follow up with a nice smile and handshake to everyone you meet unless you observe that this is a hugging crowd or a bowing crowd. Basically just look around at what others are doing. As for conversation people love love love to talk about themselves and the only thing they like better than talking about themselves is to find someone who “agrees” with them or someone they can “teach”. Basically listen to what they say and then reorganize it and spit it back at them. for instance…. as you listen to him attentively man says “Hello, I like snerzle but not sweet ones because they make my ears pop. I only eat sour snerzel.” (it doesn’t really matter that you have no idea what snerzle is. You nod your head and look very interested while saying. “Oh yes, I completely understand those darn snerzles make your ears?” Or if you want to keep the conversation going you can give him an opportunity to teach you something by saying “I have never really tried snerzle which brand would you reccomend. When all else fails let your youth and smile win them over. You will do great!
be sure to pay attention to what they are saying and ask them questions about it. people love to talk about their kids.
Well, when being introduced to an older woman, she initiates the handshake. The correct procedure is to then accept the hand, give a VERY gentle squeeze, and release. When chatting, do just that. I find weather and the state of the roads to be horses that have been beaten into dog food. So chat about other things, compliment her dress, ask where she got it, if you know the place, you’ve found common ground, and you can then chat about that, if you don’t know the place, ask questions about it. If she has nice hair, compliment it, and ask if she does it herself.
When you are a third party in a conversation, pay close attention to it. So that if they try to draw you into the conversation you can contribute something of mild import. What is BP oil?
And is that a bun, or a French twist? If it is a bun, lose it. Or, do a loose bun at the nape of the neck, with loose curls around it.
Just wear a low-cut dress and no panties. Then everything you say will sound interesting.
Men will want you and women will want to be you… and vice versa, ohoho!
Just bring a print-out of this post with you.
“Hi! I’m Sylvia! I write a xanga blog… wanna see it?”
By the way that was the best use of whom I’ve seen ever.
Every time someone asks you a question, use made up big words. They’ll be too embarassed to ask you what they mean, and you’ll look really smart.
You’re welcome.
These comics so cute. Amazing