October 30, 2009

• I’ve never been a big fan of Halloween. When I was a child, October 31st was the day mean-spirited grown-ups passed out mini candy bars laced with rat poison or dirty needles. Now that I’m an adult, Halloween has become the day when random children come around and demand that I give them free candy, or else suffer the consequences of having eggs hurled at my windows. Hello! That’s what those evil kids really mean when they say “trick or treat.”

  For some reason, however, I’ve decided to put my anti-Halloween attitude on hold and will put on a costume. And it’s not going to be a skanky costume either, because only skanks wear that crap. How does that make any sense anyway? I thought the purpose of wearing a costume was so you could be someone other than yourself for a day. But skanks dress up as skanks. Ooh, you’re a modern-day ho dressed up as a medieval ho—that’s clever.

  I’m going to cut the skanks some slack this year though. Times are tough, you know, and most of us have to think twice before we put down money on a Halloween costume we might never wear again. Skanks, however, can wear their outfits all year long because that’s basically how they dress anyway. I guess there is a second way for them to come out on top!

  What was I talking about again? Oh right, my Halloween costume. As I said, I’m thinking about dressing up this year, but I’m having a difficult time trying to decide what I want to dress up as. I have cut the list down to three choices, and that’s as far as I got before my indecisive nature kicked in. Since I’m posting this as a blog, I obviously would like your input on which costume I should go with.

      I. Ovulating Rabbit

  

      II. Fierce Dental Hygienist

  

  Note: there will be lots of body glitter–I just didn’t draw it in the picture because the glitter looked more like a bukkake disaster.

      III. Satan’s Creepy, Gift-Giving, Child-Loving Uncle

  

  It’s Decision ’09! Which costume should I wear?

  • 4:58 pm
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