April 8, 2010
-
Turnip had a herpes outbreak recently…but before you jump to conclusions and start writing him off as some sort of skanky pussy, a herpes infection in cats is quite different than an infection in humans. An outbreak in a cat results in sneezing, a running nose, watery eyes–i.e., he basically has a cold.
Lucky for them, huh? Their version of herpes doesn’t involve fire piss and starring in cheesy “Valtrex” commercials.
The vet prescribed some antibiotics and gave me a plastic syringe to use when giving Turnip his doses.
It’s pretty obvious how this was supposed to work. I just had to suck up a dose of medicine into the syringe and squirt it into Turnip’s mouth. And since cats are physically incapable of spitting things out, giving Turnip his meds was going to be easy. As long as I could get it into his mouth, he’d automatically end up swallowing it down.
Unfortunately, Turnip was not having any of that. While he doesn’t struggle when you cut his nails, or become grumpy if you wake him up from his naps just because you didn’t have anything better to do, that doesn’t mean he won’t get mad. Too bad I didn’t figure this out until after I tried to give him his first dose.
He had made it very clear that there was no way I was going to get any medicine near him without getting maimed.
Fine, Turnip; I thought giving you your medicine face-to-face was the respectful thing to do, but I see you don’t really appreciate my attempts at civility. And now you’ve left me with no choice: you’re getting some tough love, stealthy style!
In formulating my tough-love-stealthy-style strategies, I took a cue from “Assassin’s Creed,” which I began playing ever since I finished the bar exam. I burned through “Assassin’s Creed I” and “Bloodlines,” and started “Assassin’s Creed II” last week. I’m really enjoying the second game–although, I have to admit I like the first one better (and I am apparently the only person in the world who feels this way).
Anyway, in the “Assassin’s Creed” games, you get to stealth kill unsuspecting people using a retractable blade hidden under your sleeve. And since I, too, needed to be stealthy, I came up with my own version of the hidden blade: the Hidden Syringe!
Seriously, my awesomeness knows no bounds!
Once I had my cool
assassinationmedication attire and hidden syringe ready to go, all that was left was to wait for Turnip to make himself vulnerable–i.e., open his mouth. Hmm…let’s see…he opens his mouth when he’s eating, drinking water, meowing for a snack, and–ah, yes–when he is yawning.Perfect. I was going to make my move when Turnip yawned! And with the hidden syringe, I could give him his medicine before he even had time to realize what was going on!
I put my plan into action. Like any good assassin, I staked out my target and waited patiently for the moment of opportunity…
And then I struck!
And then I realized video game concepts do not translate well into real life!
The “Assassin’s Creed” plan didn’t work out as well as I had hoped, so I went back to getting maimed.
And then I noticed something. A cat’s mouth looks somewhat like this:
Most of us don’t have teeth running all the way to the back of our gums (if you do, then you and your freak wisdom teeth must live in Japan or the U.K.) and, thankfully, neither do cats. Knowing this, I came up with a third and final plan: I was going to squirt the medicine into the small gap at the back of Turnip’s teeth.
I put my new plan into action:
He struggled and tried to escape, but I stood firm and got that damn medicine into his mouth!
I was ecstatic. Finally, I’d found a way to administer Turnip’s antibiotics! One that actually worked! And now he was on the road to recovery! He was walking out of cat herpes Hell!
Wrong! Wrong! Wrong!
Instead of swallowing the medicine I’d just given him, Turnip opened his mouth and let the stuff spill off his tongue! I couldn’t believe it! I still don’t believe it!
Turnip has since gotten better. And I no longer rely on video games to help me deal with real-life situations.
Comments (38)
OH Turnip. LOLLL, that’s pretty funny for a name of a cat.
I’m sure someone is going to ask, so I want to be first to do it.
What was your pussy licking to get herpes?
Or better yet:
Someone gave your pussy herpes?
We had to give our parrot medicine…not fun!
Or how about;
Eww, your pussy has herpes!! (my fav)
i can’t get over “skanky pussy” LOL
I wouldn’t think that is such a bad name for a cat. Heck, I named my last cat Socks. My mother never liked that cat, but she kept me company. And for me, company is pretty rare. She was a little kitten when I found her, weak and starving and almost blind. After a few days of feeding her, giving her attention and taking care of her, she was strong and very playful.
Unfortunately, she was too good to last. My sister, ever growing jealous of her own cat (who she eloquently called Jazzy) not getting adequate attention from the rest of us, decided to take my cat out to the pound while I was at school. She knew well enough how much I felt for Socks, and so she decided to take her there while I was away. When I protested, all I got was this answer–”Tough luck.” Nice, eh?
Funny how things change. All I can say to you, my dear Sylvia, is be a little patient with that feline of yours. Even my cat was sorta like that when she was in my house for the first time. As time went on, she grew to be more likeable. Is your cat a kitten, or is it grown? If it is grown, and it is always attacking you, maybe you should get its claws trimmed by a professional groomer. I was thinking about doing that with my cat before she was taken away.
Anyway, hope to hear from you, and may fortune smile on you, friend. peace out
S.C.
Oh snaps. Who knew that Asassin’s Creed was not going to help one inject antibotics into a cat’s mouth? Or that video games in general do not translate well into real life?
Thanks for ruining my hopes and dreams. T^T
(Turnip’s smart. Knows he can’t spit stuff out, so he just lets it spill off his tongue. Genius!)
Your Assassin’s Creed outfit is awesome.
Sylvia, if there’s one lesson to be learned from your blog, it’s this: Cats > Sylvia. It’s almost like the Coyote and Roadrunner…
Aww, I’m glad Turnip’s better now. Nice try with the syringe assassin approach.
aww this was real cute ^^
You always have the most interesting stories to tell…along with the most awesome pics to go with it.
Glad your kitty is better!
Haha, I had fun reading this. I LOVE your illustrations. So graphic
Hahaha… funny as always. Turnip is a clever pussy.
you should ask the vet if they can compound the medication at the pharmacy. they turn it into a cream you rub in your cat’s ears. super easy. i went to having all my cat meds compounded, only $3-4 more than the regular script would cost.
if you decide to go with the syringe, you put them in a gentle headlock, pry the jaw open with the syringe and shove it to the back of their throats on the side, that way it goes down. you’ll have a slobbering, gagging cat, but he’ll be fine. that’s how the vet and vet techs do it.
LOL. I had forgotten that your cat was named Turnip and thought you had discovered a Turnip with a herpes outbreak…
These entries always bring a smile to my face.
My cat usually disappears a few days after I put her tick medicine on her. But she thinks I’m, made at her or something–poor kitty.
that’s one tricky kitty.
now dont u kinda wish that kitty got on valtrex? woulda been a helluva lot easier
pwn3d.
LOL! So funny. Been there too many times. To make him swallow, hold his mouth shut and blow air in his nose
Sounds silly, but it works!
So how’d you get your pussy to take the meds?
What a smart cat!
Ah… your story/graphics make me giggle every time! Giving our cat liquid antibiotics is a two-person operation in my house! I get the cat, cradle her like a baby in my arms belly up. With my other arm I hold her front paws down and squish her against my body so her hind legs can’t claw me or use my body as a spring-board. My husband sticks one finger in her mouth, forcing her jaw open and uses the other hand to squirt the syringe into her mouth. She ususally gurgles a second or two, fighting the liquid, but gives up and swallows after that. She gets a kiss or two on the top of her head, then I set her down and she tears away from us like we were torturing her. If she only understood we’re trying to HELP…
haha, cute. does your cat actually perform a victory dance? video game tactics work… only if you practice them. practice makes perfect! =)
we used to have to lock the cat in the bathroom so he wouldn’t run away. then it would still take two people to get medicine in his mouth…one to hold and one to give the medicine. glad he’s better already.
lol! i thought your “stealthy style” was gonna involve injecting a dose into turnip’s catfood.
Having had cats all my life, here’s a good tip to try next time:
Grab the cat and wrap it up in a bath towel like a big kitty burrito with only it’s head showing. Then you grab it’s head like a baseball and tilt it back. You won’t hurt it, just tilt it back so the mouth and throat line up (kinda like doing shots at the bar). Then you stick the syringe to the back of the throat and jam the plunger so it literally shoots down their throat. That way there’s nothing for them to yak back up. With practice you’ll do it quick enough that they won’t really care anymore. Finally, hold them for a bit so they don’t try to regurgitate it and you’re all set. some kitty treats afterwards usually makes amends.
Too bad you couldn’t have gone Tom and Jerry on him and put his furry little ass in the stocks.
ugh i hated giving my cat meds!! i would always put my left hand on the top of her head and grab the sides of her mouth with my thumb and index finger. then i would use my right index ringer to pry her mouth open with while simultaneously squirting meds in her mouth. then i would hold her mouth closed and blow in her nose. works everytime.
wow that sounds like a lot haha.
hahah wow cat 1, human 0
lol
@Mr_Jin - Hilarious!!!
tip: you should wrap your kitty in a blanket, and hold them tight so that their arms are trapped and cant scratch you… then you just have to deal with opening their mouths.. hehe hope that helps
Yeah, when I had to feed my puppy medicine, he would hide in dark corners.. I had to delicately take him out because I did not want to hurt my pup. But, if you need medicine, you gotta drink it, so I had to grasp his mouth, force feed down pill medicine and hope he wouldn’t like bury it somewhere in the yard – _ -.
Hahaha… I remember how difficult it was to administer medication for my dog when she was sick. Of course, I didn’t get scratched by her, except for some growling and moving her head left and right.