November 22, 2010

• I just got a call from an ex-boyfriend who was looking for some advice. I normally wouldn’t answer the phone, but the caller I.D. showed that the number was “unknown”–which is the same thing I get whenever someone from my doctor’s office calls. And it just so happens that I was expecting a call from my doctor regarding a prescription, and answered my cell thinking it was her. But instead of having a pleasant chat with my super-nice physician, I ended up having a conversation with an ex I hadn’t spoken to since we broke up years ago (yeah, my number is pretty old).

  While I don’t believe in keeping in touch with former flames, I can’t say I regret accidentally answering my phone. I actually found our brief tête-à-tête rather amusing–in fact, it was so amusing that I wanted to share it with you! Plus, I think the ex said something like “you better not blog about this,” which I automatically interpreted to mean “you should definitely blog about this.” Seriously, if there is one thing I hate more than anything else, it’s when people–not just exes–lecture me on what not to write about. I can deal with others telling me to conform my actions to certain social standards or whatever it is they think is appropriate conduct, but that sh*t doesn’t apply once I hit up my Xanga. This is my little text-based sanctuary, so leave your ideals at the door–or, better yet, you should shove them up your ass. That’d be way more productive than trying to get me to listen because honestly, the latter is never going to happen.

  What was I talking about again? Oh right, the conversation I had with the ex!

  

  

  Just kidding: I don’t have a civil harassment restraining order against anyone…maybe.

  

  

  

  

  To hear him say that his other ex-girlfriends had told him that they had a problem with his inability to accept criticism was rather funny because coincidentally, that’s the first thing I thought of when he said he wanted to know what I disliked about him. This guy used to get mad whenever any criticism was directed at him. And I mean any. When his professor gave him negative feedback on a term paper, he blew up and started ranting that it was the professor who was wrong for not being able to read properly. When his parents told him he needed to be more responsible with his money, he flew into a rage and claimed his spending habits were his mom and dad’s fault because by helping him pay off his bills, he never learned to be afraid of falling into debt (I don’t understand the logic either). And when I suggested he should reconsider changing his major a fourth time because it would mean he’d be in college for 7 years before getting his degree, he threw a fit and said I was unsupportive and trying to pressure him into marriage. That was definitely not the case–especially the part about marriage because I broke up with him shortly thereafter. I’m sure he somehow managed to convince himself that our relationship ended because I was–I don’t know–acting on some kind of menstrual-induced impulse or something.

  But regardless of how things were between us back then, many years had gone by and I’d moved on to better things. And it was clear that he had too: he found a girl he deeply cared about, and genuinely wanted help in saving his relationship with her. And if you’re at the point where you have to call your exes and basically ask them to bad-mouth you–a person would have to be pretty damn heartless and cruel to kick you down when you’re already knee-deep in desperation.

  So I decided to tell him what he wanted to know, i.e., what I didn’t like about him when we were dating, i.e., that he couldn’t handle criticism without turning into a little b*tch. But I said it nicely, of course.

  And you know, for someone who had apparently already heard the same thing from his other exes, he didn’t take my answer particularly well.

  

  

  Ugh…the “you implied it” argument. It’s the tool of tools…

  

  

  

  I think it’s funny that he asked for constructive criticism, but then got mad when he received it. What makes it even funnier is that his reaction was the very thing the exes and I didn’t like about him. What’s the point of asking when you don’t even want to hear the answer?

  Man…some people are just meant to be single.

  

  • 7:33 pm
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