January 3, 2011

• Worst New Year's Eve Pick-Up Lines Ever

  I don't go out on New Year's Eve, but I have friends who do, and every year one of them will have a story about being hit on by a douche bag who used a really lame pick-up line to try to get into her pants.

  But 2011 must be special because I got to hear two stories from two different friends who had gone to two different parties--but were both hit on by guys using the worst pick-up lines the world has ever known. These lines were so bad that one friend actually thought she was being punked on a hidden camera show...and when she realized that wasn't the case, she started thinking the guy hitting on her was one of the douche bags on the "Jersey Shore"--which totally freaked her out because she didn't want to be near anyone who was on that show. Hello! The cast members all have, like, an aura of gonorrhea! So you need to be extremely careful if you ever find yourself in the same space as one of them because there is a very high risk of getting a nasty disease just by standing within their disease-catching radius (which I'm guessing is about 5 feet...).

  The stories are awful in a way that makes them really funny, and my friends were both generous enough to let me share them with you...as long as drew myself as the target of the pick-up lines. Maybe because they don't want to relive their experiences when they read this post...? It better not be because they are afraid someone would see a bunch of stick figures in triangle dresses and recognize who I was trying to depict. I would not be able to look at them the same way again--i.e., as people with functioning brains.

  I said I had two stories to share with you, but you will probably notice that I actually drew 3 different scenarios. That's because I made one up...you know, to make things a bit more interesting. Care to guess which one is fake?

  Scene 1

  

  

  

  Scene 2

  

  Scene 3

  

  

  Guess! Guess! Guess! You know you want to!

  • 10:24 pm
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