December 14, 2011

• I was at the mall when I got a call from work. I had to take notes during the conversation, so I grabbed a napkin and sat down at one of the tables near the food court.

  

  You probably don’t need me to tell you this, but napkins aren’t meant to be written on. And napkin + sharp-tipped pen + slatted table = being unable to read what you’d written down because the damn napkin is full of holes.

  Anyway, while I was busy trying to write stuff down, I noticed this high school kid standing right in front of me.

  

  Uhh…okay. Did this kid need directions to PacSun to get more skateboarding clothes? Because you know he shops there. They all do…and by the way, spending a ton of money on clothes that look kind of sh*tty doesn’t make much sense to me. I mean, this is the entire look:

  

  Skateboarders don’t care about fashion! This is a laid-back outfit for laid-back skater people!

  And then they go to PacSun or Tilly’s or whatever and spend hundreds of dollars on grungy T-shirts, caps, black shoes, and corduroy pants or khakis. But they’re still keeping it real because what’s more laid-back than buying all your clothes from one store?

  I looked at this kid thinking he was going to ask me for directions or the time, but he instead said:

  

  I didn’t even try to keep “who the f*ck are you?!” from showing up all over my face. That’s exactly what I would have said if I wasn’t on the phone–but I was. I was on the phone–as in, this douchie kid was asking to use my phone while I was still using it. That alone should have been enough to tell him he was better off asking some other complete stranger. I mean, what response what he expecting?

  

  

  

  So not happening.

  Rather than give him any sort of response, I went back to taking napkin notes and acting as if he wasn’t there. And while I might have looked like I didn’t care, that wasn’t the case at all because I was actually trying to strike his ass down with the “go f*ck yourself” energy bolts I was angrily emitting.

  

  And you know what? He just stood there! Like, he was waiting for me to get off the phone and hand it to him!

  

  The kid eventually left after standing there like a dumbass for a few minutes…but not without letting me know of his disappointment.

  

  He’s going to get struck by a “go f*ck yourself” energy bolt eventually. I just know it.

  • 8:42 pm
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